I just found out I didn’t get into Gerson. They won’t accept me because i’m too sick. The state i’m in is too dangerous for them to treat. According to them and my other Drs. I should be dead. No one walks around with the number of platelets I have and lives. They say it’s a miracle that I’m still alive with the way my body is. That’s why my treatments are so enforced and encouraged. If i’m not having internal bleeding though I’m just not going to get a treatment. They make me so sick. I don’t think I’ve felt this hopeless and helpless before. I’m truly heartbroken that they won’t treat me. I’ve done every medical treatment out there and have even been one of the firsts to try some. I’m really trying to trust the Lord. I know He has a plan. My Uncle text me after I told him the news and said, “you are very capable. So you can’t feel helpless. What’s the next door to open…”. I have to trust that another door will open. He told me to get some sun, that I’m an outdoor flower that needs to grow. It’s so true. My body longs for the sun. It’s so hard on my health to be in this constant fog and darkness. There’s a chance that Rous and I might get to go to Kauai at the end of March. I need it so badly. I’m going to do everything I can to feel good. The woman I talked to at Gerson told me I should start part of the Gerson cleanse at home. That means all organic fruits and vegetables, and a tiny bit of organic mean (which i’m pretty happy I can have meat!). I’m suppose to have 3 juices a day from a very expensive juicer, I guess you get way more nutrients than my $100 one. I think for now i’ll just have to stick to mine. It also involves coffee enemas (sorry if that grosses you out). There is years of build up of toxins and all kinds of things in my body and it really cleanses it and enables the body to take in nutrients better. I don’t know how hard this will be. I live with two very skinny brothers who eat whatever they want, which is always bad. My prayers are for strength during this month trial cleanse (Gerson encouraged a month), finances for all organic, energy..which I haven’t had any in a couple of months now, renewed hope and for my countenance to truly be joyful and thankful for all things I’ve been blessed with. Counting your blessings in the midst of trial really is some of the best medicine.