So today I went in for a blood draw and a Drs visit. 335,000 platelets…with no help of medicine! My Dr. didn’t believe it and wanted them to recheck, but they had already double checked from unbelief. I of course started crying with joy and not even able to comprehend that that came out of his lips. So many tears today from joy and thankfulness!
My new symptoms that I’ve been having sadly haven’t gone away. I feel so sad because I would feel so healthy and alive if it weren’t for this new stuff. My e.e.g. (brain test) came back and there is abnormal behavior in the area where I had my brain infection. Risk of another big seizure. They put me on stat order to see a neurologist who hopefully should be able to do new tests and help me out. I can’t even believe these new symptoms. So hard to deal with these past 3 weeks. Hoping the Drs have wisdom to help me, and I hope that is what really is causing these problems. Have peace, have faith, have trust, have confidence in the lord. Working on all of these daily.
My friend Rachel started a fundraiser to page to help us out with bills and future bills of visits and tests I really want done. I’m in shock at the generosity already received. Do I have a hard time receiving this? Yes. I’m so awkward with gifts and love poured out, but my heart feels so loved. To see the people who have already given, gives me, well, an inexpressible feeling. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
The past few weeks have been so crazy. I’ve come to the point in my life where I feel so thankful that all I have is this blood disease and seizures. I mean truly, so grateful.
I just got out of the hospital yesterday. I was honestly happy to have a reason to go into the ER. Pretty weird point in my life where I felt some sort of relief to see abnormal bleeding knowing the hospital would gladly take me in because of my internal bleeding. Hoping that they would be able to figure out these bizarre symptoms I’ve been having. It’s crazy how sick I’ve been and I’m so beyond over it. Thinking i’m going to pass out and not be able to breath any moment is not a good feeling.
I got two of my 6 hour infusions while I was in there, a lot of blood work done, a long brain test, and a heart scan. I see my Dr. on Tuesday and he will have all the results. I want him to find something, anything to figure out what’s wrong!
Two of the nurses while I was in there did not understand how I was smiling and had a glow. I got to tell them of the hope I have. It made me really think and really feel thankful that I do have a true hope. I became so sad though. So many times since being in and out of the hospital and Drs offices I’ve heard people talk about their hopelessness in life and sadness, or their hope is completely in their Drs and the medicine. That would be a terrifying way to live. I know it’s not always going to be like this, I mean I really know. I can become very sad and fearful, but I just have to set my mind on trusting completely. It’s so hard to trust when you’re scared, but it’s such relief when you do. †
And ps. can I just say a special thanks to Deb,Bogusia, Don and Cheri, Emily, Gwen, Christie, Bailey, Craig and Michelle,Dixie,kelsey, my aunt and uncle, evaloy, the brasseurs, my florida family, Xav, Bleu, My amazing parents and My most loving husband for making me feel supported and knowing they will be there to help if I ask. :)and to all the 100s of people praying, Love you guys
It’s crazy how things can suddenly change so fast.
Rousseaux and I were in Kauai for 7 days and I was so excited for sunshine and complete relaxation. The first couple days were that and I’m so thankful! We were at our good friends house and all of a sudden I felt my to hue going numb. I immediately thought it was in my head and tried to ignore it. Couple minutes later my lips started going numb. Lynette got me benodryl, which thank goodness she was there! I stood up and my whole body was tingling like crazy and I felt like I was going to black out. I definitely have never experienced that before and so it scared me pretty bad. 5 minutes later all of it was gone and I thought it was just an allergic reaction that went away. I thought I was fine so we started driving home. Down the road I felt my throat closing and crazy tingling and pressure in my head. I became very scared and had the worst anxiety. We hit to the ER and of course they act like I have no idea what I’m talking about because I’m so young. My irritation in hospitals is slightly out of control and I’m trying to work on it. They loaded me up with benodryl and I for sure thought that would fix it (IV benodryl knocks you and everything out in your body). I continued to have the crazy stuff in my brain for a couple hours. The dr said he thought because I got too much sun…ummm not the reason why my body was freaking out. Anyways we left and that night it went on for a long time. I was pretty scared. When I woke up in the morning it was over and I thought everything was done. I got to hang out in Kauai, snorkeling, laying in the sun, being in the ocean and seeing one of my best friends.
We were at church Sunday and I had the hardest time concentrating. I kept thinking my throat was closing up and I couldn’t figure out if it was in my head or not. Then all of a sudden I had crazy tingling and pressure in my brain and for sure thought I would black out. Thankfully Don went and got me some benodryl. We ended up in ER and the dr and I both were concerned about bleeding in the brain. The results were good, but now what? What was going on with me. He mentioned possible stroke because of all the symptoms I was having and seizures (which I have plenty of). Basically I had crazy anxiety for the rest of the time and just wanted to be home near my dr and hospital. I found myself sobbing not from my fear but because I didn’t understand why The Lord let this happen while in Kauai. While enjoying this crazy beautiful place with my husband. What was the purpose? I wanted to have complete trust so badly but I know I failed.
I know the day will come when I won’t fear every time I feel something off in my body. I won’t have to think it’s crazy bleeding or crazy seizure. Until then I need badly to have complete trust and faith in the One who’s in control.
I found myself during all this time feeling so overwhelmed with support and love. It’s crazy how I’ve never really been open about anything I’m going through until now and I feel so thankful I am. It means so much to me to know I have people praying and willing to be there. I feel beyond thankful for my husband who is so eager to serve me and be there for me during those times..even though I can be quite difficult. Blessed by him more than ever before