It’s crazy how things can suddenly change so fast.
Rousseaux and I were in Kauai for 7 days and I was so excited for sunshine and complete relaxation. The first couple days were that and I’m so thankful! We were at our good friends house and all of a sudden I felt my to hue going numb. I immediately thought it was in my head and tried to ignore it. Couple minutes later my lips started going numb. Lynette got me benodryl, which thank goodness she was there! I stood up and my whole body was tingling like crazy and I felt like I was going to black out. I definitely have never experienced that before and so it scared me pretty bad. 5 minutes later all of it was gone and I thought it was just an allergic reaction that went away. I thought I was fine so we started driving home. Down the road I felt my throat closing and crazy tingling and pressure in my head. I became very scared and had the worst anxiety. We hit to the ER and of course they act like I have no idea what I’m talking about because I’m so young. My irritation in hospitals is slightly out of control and I’m trying to work on it. They loaded me up with benodryl and I for sure thought that would fix it (IV benodryl knocks you and everything out in your body). I continued to have the crazy stuff in my brain for a couple hours. The dr said he thought because I got too much sun…ummm not the reason why my body was freaking out. Anyways we left and that night it went on for a long time. I was pretty scared. When I woke up in the morning it was over and I thought everything was done. I got to hang out in Kauai, snorkeling, laying in the sun, being in the ocean and seeing one of my best friends.
We were at church Sunday and I had the hardest time concentrating. I kept thinking my throat was closing up and I couldn’t figure out if it was in my head or not. Then all of a sudden I had crazy tingling and pressure in my brain and for sure thought I would black out. Thankfully Don went and got me some benodryl. We ended up in ER and the dr and I both were concerned about bleeding in the brain. The results were good, but now what? What was going on with me. He mentioned possible stroke because of all the symptoms I was having and seizures (which I have plenty of). Basically I had crazy anxiety for the rest of the time and just wanted to be home near my dr and hospital. I found myself sobbing not from my fear but because I didn’t understand why The Lord let this happen while in Kauai. While enjoying this crazy beautiful place with my husband. What was the purpose? I wanted to have complete trust so badly but I know I failed.
I know the day will come when I won’t fear every time I feel something off in my body. I won’t have to think it’s crazy bleeding or crazy seizure. Until then I need badly to have complete trust and faith in the One who’s in control.
I found myself during all this time feeling so overwhelmed with support and love. It’s crazy how I’ve never really been open about anything I’m going through until now and I feel so thankful I am. It means so much to me to know I have people praying and willing to be there. I feel beyond thankful for my husband who is so eager to serve me and be there for me during those times..even though I can be quite difficult. Blessed by him more than ever before