It’s crazy how long I’ve felt such weird sickness and unable to get any help from it. If this is extreme anxiety its not getting any better from this lack of help and waiting.
Yesterday Rous surprised me and took me to the prettiest bed and breakfast. We just got to get out of town and be in the beautiful country and enjoy the sunshine. I felt almost normal the whole time and was so thankful for that. On our way back I just started feeling so sick again. My platelets are so low and that’s just adding. I bumped my head against the wall and immediately started praying for no bleeding inside my head. That makes me cry though. I don’t want to have to live like that anymore.
They have me seeing a psychologist soon, which wow did I have a fit with. I’m just imagining What About Bob, and well I’d be Bob.. Ha not too happy about that. Bit I guess this person finds out if I’m really having anxiety and what kind, and then puts me on the right kind of medicine. The stuff they have me on now my hematologist said is more like a bandaid not something to fix the problem. Thankfully I’ll be seeing a new neurologist too. The old one… Most uncaring Dr I’ve ever seen. Last visit with him I’m just sitting there crying the whole time while he won’t even look at me and isn’t offering any help. Not OK with that.
Still haven’t been able to get into ohsu and it could take months. Trying to have faith and hope. It’s hard when you’re in pain or feel so messed up.
I’m so beyond thankful to have a husband that truly does love and care for me. He’s still learning about my sick world and he’s getting good. Hopefully we won’t be going through this forever. Having hope for a better future is always on my mind.
For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

June 8th

I’ve been sick for 11 years but in these past 2 months have never felt so sick and afraid.
The content pressure in my chest, weird pain and tingles in my head
, the feeling of blacking out constantly. Oh my how hard this has been on me. Mind, body, and soul.
I’m doing my best to hope, trust and have peace but my best isn’t very good I guess.
We’ve been doing everything to get into ohsu to get another opinion and just some real help, but it could be months they say.
The hard thing is all my drs here just think I’m having extreme anxiety. That all the years of sickness has finally caught up to my mind. If it really is anxiety then that angers me so badly. We are not to be anxious. I pray against it everyday, but real anxiety can be debilitating.
I don’t want any of this to last and I want real answers from drs who care about their patients.
If you’re reading this I do ask for prayer against anxiety, to be able to get up to ohsu soon and really for all these new symptoms to just be gone.


In the multitude of my anxieties within me, your comforts delight my soul.