I don’t even know how to keep writing about everything that’s been going on. To be sick this long with no answers has been the hardest thing for me. I saw a new neurologist a couple days ago and he took a long time to hear everything and get all my information on the computer of all my tests over the past couple months. He said he definitely thinks some things going on… That isn’t anxiety. Something connected to my brain, heart and bowels. He’s going to team up with my neurologist and find some answers. He said there is a high possibility that I have either a weird bacteria in me or my body has started another auto immune disease. I don’t really like the sound of either, but I’m so desperate for an answer. I was so thankful for a Dr that seemed yo care instead of the last neurologist I saw who just loaded me up with prescriptions and that’s it.
I was crying to Rousseaux today because I feel so beyond trapped inside my own body. A body that is killing itself and that hurts all the time. I long to be free from all of this pain and sickness. I feel like I’ve tried everything but there is just nothing more I can do. I try to have more faith and peace, but wow it is beyond hard. I’m hoping this new Dr helps. My hope though can’t be in man. It just can’t. They will fail and disappoint. But there is One who will never fail. I wish I could say I feel stronger through this, but I’ve never felt so weak before. Really physically, emotionally and spiritually. So weak. BUT He is strong.
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that i would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait I say on the Lord.