Well, I just applied at the Mayo Clinic in Florida, but honestly I’d go wherever they could get me in. I know they’ve helped so many people actually figure out where there sickness is coming from and treat it..and cure it. I’ve had so many people these past couple months encouraging me to go and I really feel led to go. I’m hoping and praying that they see me as someone they can help and get me in. I’m desperate.
These past couple months of this new sickness has brought my joy down so low. It’s been so hard for me to have hope. That’s what everyone’s been encouraging me with, but after 11 years and then this new sickness that they can’t figure out what I frankly feel hopeless. There’s so many dreams I have that I just don’t think will ever happen. Either because of death…which I know is hard to hear. I’ve never really been afraid of dying from all of this until lately. But hearing my Dr up north say he’s surprised I’m still alive every time he walked in the room maybe has me shooken up. Or I’m afraid my dreams will never happen because I’m frankly just too dang sick and tired to to anything. To really live! I aspire to travel the world with Rous, to have an incredibly cute store with my mom, be a free people model, to meet Ellen Degenerous (that woman made me laugh during times when I didn’t think laughing was possible), to be able to have organizations that can help other people going through sicknesses financially and to bring them joy in other ways. I want to live and make a difference in this world. Not feel sick and cry of sadness daily.
I know that the Lord gave us all that money that so many dear people donated for a reason. I’m hoping with everything in me that that reason is for healing. To get to the Mayo Clinic. Get everything covered.. Bills, a place to stay, flight, food. I know I don’t need to stress, that I need to trust. It’s just a hard thing to do right now. I’m going to want someone to go with me (if I get in) but not sure who would… Rous and my mom have to work and my dad has school. I will need support from someone. To laugh with and make jokes during a time like that. I know the Lord has someone perfect!
Thank you again for all the love and support I’ve been shown. I’ve never needed it so much in my life.