October

It’s funny everyone keeps asking me if I’m so excited to go to the Mayo Clinic. And I am. But there’s a huge part of me that feels like it’s going to be just another one of my 100s of appointments I’ve been to where they say I’m unique and have no idea what to do with me. I know that shouldn’t be my mindset but the years of the same thing have taken over. I’m so beyond blessed that I get to go and that my mom and Rousseaux will be there but there’s apart of me that feels nothing.
I think coming up on the 12th year of doing this whole sick thing has really hit me hard. Rousseaux and I will have been married for 2 and a half years and I just don’t want to do this anymore. I want to feel normal. My normal is feeling constantly sick and beyond tired. I’d give anything to not feel that way. Rousseaux and I have had to learn to go through this together. And honestly as amazing as our marriage is it’s really hard to go through something so hard and expect your husband to understand and know how to be there for you. It’s a long learning experience. He loves me so much. Ha it’s just hard.
We’re headed to southern California on the 6th, which is Rousseaux s birthday. And we’re praying that I have energy an am able to get away. Have a real vacation. We both need it so badly. To relax, refresh, laugh with each other. And be away from all the constant hardness of this point in life. Hoping I’ll be feeling good enough for Disneyland. That would be a dream to go there with my husband and be able to have the energy to walk around all day in a magical place!
I hope this didn’t sound too depressing. As I am suffering with it I still have joy in my life and many reasons to be joyful.
Reasons I have to be thankful right now, this point in my life.
1. My husband,best friend, most loving and patient person even though I can be hard to deal with.
2. My parents who have been there with me through it all and have always been so loving and supporting and willing to do anything to help.
3. The crazy amount of people who have been there to support us. Financially and emotionally. So much money raised. And I do believe the Lord will use it for good.
4. My roommates. Although at times it’s hard. I love Xav and Sean so much. It’s good to be around people who make you laugh and know really love you.
5. The fact that I got accepted into the Mayo. Not all people do. There is reason to hope. There is a chance for this to end.
6. My messed up sense of humor. Most people don’t get it. But thankfully it’s extremely entertaining to me and those who do get it I love.
7. My amazing church and family there, Ekklesia. The love and support has been amazing for Rous and I. The teachings and worship have blessed me so much the times I’ve been able to go. So thankful that I really do have a family there.
What are you thankful for despite your circumstances?
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