Hosanna

I’ll start off with a huge thank you to everyone who has been supporting us, and I mean all the food, love, finances, hugs, words, encouragement and mostly prayer to my Savior.

Has I’m writing this, and thinking about how this past month has been I’m already crying. Saying it’s been hard doesn’t seem to fit. It broke me in every way imaginable. My heart is happy to say that things are getting so much better. It’s still “hard”, but way beyond better then even a week ago.

Rous, thankfully got to explain everything with the surgery, and it was beautiful and true. Besides all the pain, that is really gone away for the most part, so so much was and is there that they didn’t even mention. I’m blind in both eyes on the upper left part, which is so hard to get used to. One Dr. said it will always be there, another said it should go away with swelling, but they also said my swelling should already be gone. I’m really hoping that it goes away.

The part of my brain that is swollen effects when you get angry and anxiety. And I’m just so sad to say that those have been severely effected. More so the anxiety. And I’m sure that’s just mixing with my heart disease, but wow, it has been so bad. I just never struggled with it and now it’s all over the place. My heart just feels so broken over everything. It used to be that I had experienced more life without sickness and now it’s changed, since my birthday, to more sickness then a healthy  life. To me that is just beyond crazy!

A couple hours ago I had to get out of the house and clear my mind. So I went for a long long drive in the country with praise music on. Just absolutely sobbing from everything that’s happened since the surgery and everything that’s been happening for these 13 years. My heart just feels so sad about it all. I had worship music on and I just turned it up and asked the Lord to give me a song that I need to really understand right now and to speak to me through it, and Hosanna came on. Hosanna means; an expression of adoration, praise, or joy. Over and over again I was singing (and crying), Hosanna.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

This spoke to me in more ways then I could say.

When I was on the drive I got a text from my brother, Bleu, but didn’t want to read it (AND YOU GUYS SHOULDN’T TEXT AND DRIVE, SO DANGEROUS). When I got home I opened it up and this is what it said, “Here’s a fun fact for you: did you know that when your parents conceived you,  that there were 100 million other members all floating around, and you, yes you were chosen by God of all those other 100 million other children to have life? Pretty amazing! Huh? And if you go back and times that by just our grandparent and great grandparents, then that’s 6 different couples so that’s 600 million! And just the chances of them meeting when they did and having kids…That’s a miracle. You were put here, specially designed and given life for a special reason and purpose. Truly He can say you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Whoa. I don’t know if i had ever felt the Lord speaking to me so much. I needed to hear that more then I could ever explain! There really is a reason for me in this life.

The one thing I’ve been doing to help my anxiety (when i’m up for it) is gardening! It has become my favorite thing to do. I absolutely adore making the outside of our house look beautiful. If anyone has any tips or any plants they’re giving away let me know ♥

I thankfully can say that I have not had one seizure since surgery. They said it would probably take months to years to be like this, and I would still at least have one once a week so I am pretty blown away by this. I was having 5-20 a day! Now once my brain isn’t swollen and I’m not having this anxiety/depression/anger I’ll be able to enjoy it like a normal person would! Hey, I might never be normal, and it’s ok to be different. My greatest desire in this life is to be a light in this world. I truly pray through everything I’ve gone through and am going through that I can. Lord bless you all who have been so supportive and loving to me, truly thank you. ♥

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8 thoughts on “Hosanna

  1. mommabeckyb

    Hi Hannah. My name is Becky Burton. My family met Rousseaux several years ago when he was on his European tour. They came through Kaiserslautern, Germany and attended the church we were pastoring. We have kept you in our prayers. We are so thankful that you are healing. I believe that you are being made WHOLE!

    If you and Rousseau would like a Florida vacation, you are welcome to come stay at Generations Farm in the Florida Panhandle. We have extra beds, lots of organic food and we’re only one hour to the Emerald Coast beaches 🙂 God bless you, Hannah Rose. -Becky

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Georgia Rose

      Oh my goodness all of this just made me cry and smile! Thank you so much for your prayers! That is the neatest thing that you wrote to me and you met Rous in Germany! Wow! That would be so awesome if we could come to Florida, I need sunshine so bad! Maybe I’ll start looking at ticket prices 🙂

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  2. Alyssa

    I just came across your blog through Bold Love Apparel. Your story is incredible! You have been through so much, but you still have faith in God and His healing! its amazing to see the strength you have through it all. This has blessed me and given me a whole new perspective on life.

    Continue to give God the highest praise! He is going to bless you beyond your wildest dreams! You are a living testimony and I think it’s great that you are being vulnerable and sharing it through this blog!

    My prayers go out to you and your family!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Charlene

    Hannah, maybe some day I can tell you about my daughter who also has had auto immune difficulties for the past 20 (since she was 14. ) I’m writing this as once again I sit next to her hospital bed. We never expected to walk this path, but as you so beautifully and honestly write about your experiences, we rejoice in our great God who walks with us (and often carries us) along the way. Thank you for all your sharing. I read your posts to my daughter and we both rejoice with you and pray for you. God’s best ❤️

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  4. dave

    prayer for the struggles & healing, joy in your testimony, and praise for our LORD that sustains you, ….”in the beginning God CREATED [sustenero]……..”l@@k at he birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more cherished & valuable than they are!”

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  5. Shy

    Hi Hannah,
    I somehow stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago. It has been an absolute blessing to have the honor of seeing into your life a little bit. What a beautiful soul you are! I know it must be difficult to share such intimate details of yourself, but I am so grateful that you have chosen to do so. Your perspective is truly inspiring. Though I can’t even begin to imagine the intensity of your suffering, I do know a little about illness, and am amazed and uplifted by your faith. I have two conflicting diseases that have effected every aspect of my life. I am 25 years old, and also recently passed the halfway mark to having spent over half of my life in sickness. Since discovering your blog, I find myself coming to read it when I need encouragement. I just want to let you know that you absolutely shine! You are such a light! Thank you for sharing your story. You are in my prayers ❤

    Shy

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  6. Lynn Whipp

    Hannah, thank-you for touching my life with your beautiful heart here. I am thank-ful with you for the exit of those seizures! That your heart still soars, Hosanna, tells me not only of your ongoing surrender into your Savior’s hands; but also of His faithfulness. Would I ever have chosen the things which have refined me? Surely not. But I think you may glimpse the truth that in this Refiner’s fire, you stand being more and more purified. As such you are an inspiration to me. And my facing this surgery. I have a date for it. August 31 when my husband can retire.
    This has to be hard, but I am touched by your story and the testimony you have and once again, will say the sweet love of your husband is dear. I pray the swelling diminshes soon and God is your stabilizer when you need it. He is our sound mind when we feel over the edge. His everlasting arms will keep you. He loves you through it all. He knows the way you take and he is right there beside you.
    You touched his heart in that song and with all those tears he carefully collects in His bottle to be poured out even more beautifully when you see Him face to face,
    even as your brother touched yours. Amazing love. I love gardening, too, but my back is not so good for it these days. Pulled too many weeds of late. What kind of plants do you need? Do you have deer that eat them. I do! I love critters too, though. We live in Jacksonville. Good-night or good day!

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