5 Month Check Up

There is no way I could put into words everything I’ve been through over these months. This surgery was nothing like my Drs thought was going to happen. I still wake up everyday now with all of this rushing through my mind, thinking “did this really just happen?”.

Every single brain surgery is different for people. Not all the same. When my amazing surgeon ended up taking out a lot more than expected, it made this recovery (that’s still happening no matter how much “better” I look) way harder than they thought.

I of course was going to start this by saying “I don’t remember everything I wrote in my last blog”. But I of course know what a lot of you will do bringing up your memory. I guess what I’ll bring up is to help others going through times of suffering. When you ask your friend, family member, church friend, high school person or just a girl you follow on a blog, listen, do not in an instant bring up what you went through, are going through, your grandma went through, you have a friend who could understand, or you know someone on a blog. Listen. Take it in. Do not start quoting bible verses or saying it’s all going to be “better”. Listen. Care for this human.

The things I’ve been going through for 15 years now has taught me a lot. I want to be there for others. Not in ways that cause hurt or stress to those suffering, but be there with care and love. Even as I type this I have 4 people in my mind who had wrote on my last blog that it sucks what I’ve been through and they love me. I look at that and just go “ugh, thank you!”.

Even after this last surgery that had enabled my brain not to work right. Could not talk right (still dealing with that but WAY better), could not see right at all (steal dealing with that and just saw a terrible eye dr about it, ugh pray), has ZERO emotions (it’s in the spot on my brain where all emotions come from), when people would talk they’d have to go slow or reexplain because I couldn’t understand for months, the left side of my jaw was cut before surgery so he would have room and I’m still feeling that heal up everyday when sowed back together. Rous rubbed my head yesterday and touched over on my left side and bam, nice pain feel over there. It still hurts all on my big area. Because I’m still unable to handle things said to me because it was a big traumatic experience my drs explained to me, I’m unable to handle even people saying things to me. I’ve been handling things said to me about health for all these years now so just understand, no I can’t handle this and it’s been 15 years now. Let it be.

I’ve had people bring up their animals having grand mals ( if you ever watch a human or me have them I don’t think you’d say that, people having cancer, people dying, people having brain surgery (every single one is different), people telling me I’m all healed ( mmmmm wait go to a drs app with me then), and people saying “at least I look good”. Oh wow even bringing up that last one makes me breath heavy.

When others are going through hard things, listen and truly care. Otherwise don’t say anything.

I needed to talk to someone so bad months ago. Because I didn’t understand how to keep doing this, how to keep going through my recovery. I told my Dad (who I’m obsessed with) that I need to talk to someone. Someone who has been dealing with sickness longer than me. If it’s been shorter than 15 years I’m not going to talk. If there younger than 40 I’m not going to talk as well. That’s a whole other topic :). I got to talk to sweet Peter John. He gets me. He fully understands what I just went through and have for years. To have meningitis, brain surgery and other intense diseases for 20 years makes me be able to breath and feel comfortable what he would say to me. He gets it. Beyond grateful for that encourager and example of going through sicknesses daily.

What I’m saying is those are the people I would want to talk about their sickness.

I hope this truly makes sense for others. I hope those truly suffering read this because I know how strongly their weak heart (mine) need it.

In Arizona now receiving my first check ups in 5 months. Heavy on me. Much needed though. All testing yesterday was very heavy and hard for me. Makes me want to cry now. Today I get to see my amazing neurologist who I adore and am happy for that. She will help me, calm me and explain what I just went through and how to keep dealing or future things like this. All appointments till Friday. At least I get SO much sun!

Thank you for the 100s of prayers that I know have been going. Thank you for the support I have felt in many different ways.

Again I’ll say to those hurting, I feel you. I get it. Just one day at a time. ❤️

That part of my eye has been blacked out for far too long. Hoping for healing of that! I’m literally completely blacked out there. If you hold your hand there or stand there it’s gone.

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15 thoughts on “5 Month Check Up

  1. Cheri Rosier

    20 years ago I went through chemical breakdown in my brain after some medical procedures. It has been over 20 years now of having limitations because of anxiety. I am so much better than I was. I may never be like I was, but I am so thankful that today I don’t live in pain and I know that in my suffering that it taught me to understand others who deal with not feeling totally normal.

    I pray that you continue to heal. That your strength and clarity of mind would be returned to you. That your joy will be renewed every morning.

    Like

  2. cheri osborn

    Thank you for sharing. You stated that perfectly! Thank you for making me understand & listen more, speak less. I truly appreciated this last post. Wish I could meet you some day. Who knows…if Tina ever reaches out maybe i will get the opportunity😊
    Im one of her high school friends, one of the OG’s 😂 Much love to you

    Like

  3. Sheila

    Hannah ,
    Althobeit , I’ve no brain surgery , nor seizures,
    can only imagine your ordeals,, but I read FB posts.
    – I am a ways over 4O, I have suffered far more than 15 years ;
    there is chronic ,harsh management of simply trying to be alive .
    Pain. Malfunction. Wrestle. Severe Sadness.
    Every. Single. Day.
    0h! And we’re related.]
    I understand needing a listener.
    I’m here to be one if you’d ever like.
    You’re glistening through this , truly.
    l0vE & prayers, anyway 💜

    Like

  4. mommaleche

    Hannah, talk about real. Talk about raw. Talk about truth. It sounds ‘sick’ to say I love reading your blog. I love to see your triumphs. I love to pray for your continued healing. I love to see The Warrior in you in action. I have nothing to offer other than I am a stranger that is praying for you along your journey. I live in Reno but if ever something in Nevada can be of help to you, just ask. I will continue to pray for you and your journey. Thank you for sharing. It makes my prayers more directed when I know what you struggle with.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. markiebraly

    I know you don’t know me, but we have mutual friends and I’ve been reading your blog posts and following along and praying for you. Thank you for your vulnerability! What you’ve been through is so, so difficult and traumatic. Good job sharing with others that they need to treat people better who are going through trauma! Sometimes people say the dumbest things to people who are suffering (usually out of fear and lack of empathy)! The world needs to hear your message loud and clear. Praying for your recovery, and for your doctors appointments and for your day to day life. You are a precious gem!

    Like

  6. Marquie

    Hannah. Your so BA!!! In indescribable ways, your just one tough chick. Keep rockin through the hard days, better ones await!! And Peter John is most definitely a good person to talk to! One of the most strong men I’ve ever known!! You got this lady.
    Have, and will continue to follow and support you in any way possible❤

    Like

  7. Lynn-D

    It was so nice to see you the other day at the store sweet girl – keep fighting Hannah, you are doing an amazing job. Such an inspiration to all of us, I’m truly in awe of your strength for letting us all go on this journey with you . Can’t wait to see that dress on you beautiful 💕

    Like

  8. Cheryl von Tress

    I’m so glad we met on South Third Street through Lois. Ditto what Kelly wrote. And, I love the person you are. I think I caught a strong glimpse of you that day and more especially through your blog. Raw…keep it real. No B.S. Good for you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sean Sheldrake

    Hannah, I continue to be inspired by your ability to power through this monumental experience. Your improvements are evident in your posts, though, I understand that a lot of hard work remains. You truly are a warrior. Thank you for sharing your progress, that we may all know how to pray specifically for your needs, and know that the prayers are flowing. I pray that the days ahead hold more smiles and healing.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Kelly

    Enjoy the sunshine! Thanks for bringing some of the cool Oregon winds. You are a beautiful warrior and I truly appreciate you. I wish I could take some of your suffering for you; you have made me a stronger person for all you have gone through. I believe in you and love you! Thank you for being such a beautiful example of perseverance and hard work. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hannah Rose

      Wait Kelly, you just made me cry. That means so much to me. Made me cry. I’m serious. Those words are so sweet to my heart. Glad I know you dear friend ❤️❤️

      Like

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