Happy Father’s Day

I’ve been meaning to write one like this for/about my Dad.

I don’t really know how to put into words how truly thankful and blessed I am by this man. He’s my strongest rock. Safest help. My greatest encourage that, “it’s ok”. The person I’ll open up to about things that I do not say. He listens, he cares, he helps me.

There are so many ways for me to talk about him, and I don’t think I can even find the words to.

Going back over the years, there’s been a lot. He’s done so much. I’ve probably caused a couple wrinkles (not that you notice any!). He’s never complained for made me feel worthless. I could start writing about before the age of 12 when I became sick, but I guess this blog is mostly open about my life going through all this.

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I remember when I started my period (shhhhh so embarrassing). I was 12 at elementary school, and it all started. None of us knew my platelets are low or we would’ve contacted a dr with the way it was all happening. Not normal to say the least. But I was at school, and called my Dad telling him I needed him to pick me up as soon as possible. He automatically says, “Did you start your period?”. How did he even know haha? I said yes, and he instantly said he was on his way to pick me up. Making me feel supported and safe. I’ll never forget this moment, mostly because it was embarrassing, but all because of how sweet he was to me. He brought over 15 pairs of pants for me. Which is so beyond funny. Such a man. And I appreciate it so much! He knew I needed something!

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He’s rushed me to the hospital all the many times these years. Bloody mouth, bloody nose, period, fevers, infections, just worried. He is eager and so willing (and I know he wants me there pretty bad too :)) to rush me. Day or night. I remember MANY nights of me waking him up and just needing physical help or needing ER times. I’m so thankful for all his work.

There have been so many times where I’ll start feeling “weird” over these years. I have had way too many “weird” feelings followed by seizures or other random health things. He calms me down every single time. Yes something may be going on, but I do not need to be as freaked out or anxiety worse than mine is. So calming and strong for me to keep going, keep fighting, keep believing. I’m so thankful for his care.

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I remember in high school my Dad and I were down by their pond (no clue what we’re doing down there), but I had had a giant bruise bleeding in my wrist. No, not like all these big bruises people like to show from getting hit. All mine are from spontaneous hemorrhaging from my ITP. Just thinking back to my young self I feel sad. I remember talking to my Dad about it, and he truly calmed me down. He wasn’t going to let me bleed to death. He wasn’t going to let me be scared for my wrist bleeding so heavily inside (I went and got one of my weekly infusions). I got to be able to sleep last night, not scared for my life. I’m so thankful how much he has and will protect me.

There have been nurses, Drs, CNAs, phlebotomists..basically lots like that in this whole healthcare I’ve needed over the years. The majority are AMAZING. But there is quit a few who have been very rude, mean and hurtful to a young girl. high schooler and sick woman needing them. EVERY single time my Dad has been there with me during moments with people like that, he will stand up for me. He will speak truth to these people. He will not act like it’s all ok to treat his daughter like that or let me go through it. This right there makes me breath a deep breath full of thankfulness and honor for him! P.S. If you’re one of my dear friends in hospitals and Drs, you KNOW how much I care and love you. I try and tell you every single time!

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I can’t remember the majority of what happened to me over these past 7 months. Just visions or “shots” of an activity from my intense recovery (that I’m still going through). I remember moments from my Dad being the most helpful person I could ever express. I could barely see. I would just grab his arm and he would help me, always telling me what’s about to come as we walk. I remember about 30 seconds in Arizona of just not understanding how to wear clothes or what to put on my body. I really can’t even explain how little I was able to do things. This is when I was at the start of my inability to talk right, and he came and helped me understand the clothes to put on that day, how to put them on, if I’ll be ok wearing them. He sat with me in Arizona and “watched” movies with me all day everyday. I had no clue what was happening in movies because I couldn’t see right, understand that many words, or words even being spoken. He just sat there to be with me. Yep, another thing that makes me cry.

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Noclue the dates or times of any of these memories, but they’re shot into my head even when the majority is gone. Very crazy to me. Months after Arizona we were watching a movie, no clue what. And I told my Dad I needed to talk with him. I was talking to him about everything I was possibly going through will all this. It’s when the side of my left was still swollen and I had zero feel of emotions. It was terrifying. I felt no emotion you could even think of. After this movie I had felt a glimpse of love. And I was telling my Dad how hard it is because I barely feel anything. I told him I know that I completely love him, but I feel none of it. You have to understand, it’s not an emotion I had to not feel these, it’s my brain being very swollen and having to rewire all of my nerves on that side. Very intense. He just helped me know that I will feel again, even though I couldn’t imagine it then. I knew it would happen. He was there for me, and cared through every thing that my brain was dealing with.

I’m so beyond thankful to have him as my father. He really is the best man, and if you know me, you know I don’t feel the need to just say things 🙂 I love you, Dad. ♥

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My heart breaks for the beautiful friends in my young life who have lost their Dad. I’m not going to write a long thing, for it is not our job to fill it with words. Someone who has not gone through this (me). I don’t ever want to say words of “encouragement” when that’s not needed or hurtful. My heart has felt very loving to my friends, very caring, and very sorrowful. It’s not just one day a year for those who’ve lost. It’s daily. Care for your friends, never make it all better. Much love to you all ♥

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2 thoughts on “Happy Father’s Day

  1. Michelle Black

    Just finally getting to read this – so thankful you have such a wonderful dad and love your heart for those who have lost their dads. You are right – we all have pain and suffer loss – we don’t need to try to fix it for each other. Just be quiet and listen and do our best to try to understand. Love you, Hannah!

    Like

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