Weep With Those Who Weep

So many times I just feel done with writing. I have so much on my mind and heart over all this. I feel like I don’t even know how to express all I’ve been through and so much I’ve learned from it.

There’s such a need for those suffering to truly have people understand how to be there for them.

You will go through suffering in your life. Not worth comparing it to me or anyone else popping up in your mind. You will have it though. That is life.

Life is not a perfect place. A life of joy, amazing health, sinless, all relationships 100% great 24/7..

It’s just not.

It’s real. It’s in the Bible. It’s full of so much.

My mind, heart, body has been through so much, and this year has just hit my extreme feelings of aloneness because of how much people think I SHOULD NEVER BE SAD… I could be worse… you know worse…. you’ve been through pain too… I need to be happy… have I been praying at all?…

Even writing out reminds me of how the majority (because there are some in my life who understand suffering- or long term sickness) of people just don’t get it.

I’m currently on a plane flying back from Arkansas (heyyy y’all!), reading my Bible, desperate to continue growing closer to God, understanding the word and feeding my soul.

There are verses right there-

WEEP WHEN THOSE WEEP -Romans 12:15

Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day. Proverbs 25:20

Ok.. reread those. Seriously, right this moment reread them. It’s only two small ones.

Are you taking it in? Are you thinking, “oh dear she should be happy?”

Having gone through the hardest part of my life (still going through it folks, just because I look “normal”), I have really drawn myself in from the so many I know.

Over and over again I’ll get bible verses sent to me, songs sent to me, “advice” of why I should be happy. How alone do you think I feel. There have been times where I’m laying in a hospital bed crying with so much happening with my body and relieving a text of “love” of why I should be thankful and “happy”.

Breaks my heart the memories in my mind still. I feel no anger towards people just sadness. I know the 100s that have sent me these kind of things will do it until they go threw sorrow, somehow their eyes are open… or they just don’t I’ve heard.

To having a miscarriage when I thought I was done with seizures, my heart disease and my platelets were good, but spoken to of why I should be happy… that I had a miscarriage is mind blowing. Happy that the baby wasn’t older before dying? Still asked constantly when I’m going to try again… starting a couple months after my last brain surgery people have been asking and haven’t stopped. STOP asking people when they’re getting pregnant. You have no clue what’s going on with them. A day after my miscarriage someone had asked me when I was going to get pregnant. Wow, how sad I still am by that. But it’s something we must learn. I had not learned this, read things like this until after my miscarriage and my inability to be pregnant because of my health. Heartbreaking. Yet I want people who haven’t been through this to learn it now or very soon.

When I was sitting in a coffee shop the other day a group of women are there. One of them starts telling a story about her husband sitting next to a guy having a grand mal… she starts cracking up and all the girls do. Over a human having a grand mal. I’m sitting there so so saddened and overwhelmed with aloneness. Imagine watching someone you know and love sitting there having a grand mal. You would be so sad. You would be so worried. Me waking up from all my grand mals and not understanding what happened and the messed up pain in my brain and body after is something you can’t imagine. To be quick to hear others laughing about so so much sickness, sickness that makes you feel sad. Makes you have such a heavy weight of sorrow… is hard.

It needs to be learned and understood by those who aren’t going through pain and sorrow right now. But don’t you want to be able to truly be there for those you know who are sad and full of so much? TRULY there for them. Not there thinking you can cure. But there to help them be alive.

I can’t imagine what kind of person I’d be if I have not been through this. I can’t. I would not be the same person I am. I would not know how to be there for people. I would probably compare things, I would probably expect them to just be happy already, I would expect them to think how cool of a person I am for doing “something”.

When you’re there to just be there and care… wow. The difference it makes.

I’ve had people I thought I trusted over the years ask how I’m going and if open up, I’d cry… and I wouldn’t hear a word back, I would hear a joke made, I would hear comparison made, I would hear a “solution” made. Slowly and slowly over so many years of this I’ve lost trust. I have such few people in my life that I know would care for me. Truly care if I’m bleeding internally, truly care if I’m in the er time after time, truly care when another thing happened with my health. Truly care even when I’m out of the hospital…

Are you thinking of anyone in your life who needs this? We need it. We long for it. It needs to be learned. All of Job is about it. It’s not made up. It’s not the nowadays thing of… happy, happy, happy!

Weep with those who weep.

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4 thoughts on “Weep With Those Who Weep

  1. Mat L

    It’s confusing why some people wish to help others in pain by criticizing, giving simplistic solutions, or straight up judging them with spiritual logic backed up by a smattering of biblical understanding taken out of context. It doesn’t help, it’s maddening and it’s an abuse of what they claim they stand for. I’ve been told, during my own life pain that I’ve got a spiritual issue because events in my childhood have caused me pain and dysfunction ever since. If I just prayed more I wouldn’t have the problems I have since survived and struggled through. My best explanation is this: we have a self-centered coping skill when it comes to the pain and experience of others; Christian or not, sadly.

    Hannah, your journey is worth so much. Your pain and ongoing trials are provocative and is contradicts the ideal that many people wish to keep concerning life, suffering, anguish, redemption and meaning. If someone truly considers your story they will be challenged on those beliefs and the truth is that many do not wish to be disturbed as they would then have to face the reality that something of this magnitude could happen to them as well. This does not sit well with anyone who hopes to slip by with the least amount of pain possible and still be invited to the after-earth after-party. Let’s face it, we all wish the least amount of suffering possible. But the Truth is not always mentioned in our Sunday “good thoughts for the week” type of sermon and equips us for nothing if suffering is not explained as a necessary part of life and Godly development. John 16:33 says “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Instead, the majority of shallow Christian understanding is self-serving and about as effective as philosophy is to defining a universal set of ethical boundaries for a world who has no savior. They may feel like they have the answer (She hasn’t prayed “enough” or the “right” prayer). Their theory may make them feel safe (She would be healed if her faith was “big enough”). But when it comes their turn to have their faith tested it will fail if its not set in biblical reality. These assertions that your suffering is your own fault for not (fill in the blank) are just litmus tests so that they can continue chasing their own comfort in a world full of pain. Litmus test e.g. “as long as I pray hard enough and feel diligent in my faith, I won’t have to endure something as bad as what Hannah has.” That theory will hold true as long as they are not stricken with a debilitating disease or trial… those that have suffered greatly have been forced to revise their thinking or reject their faith altogether as it didn’t work for them. The point is that we have no promises of an easy life because we accept Christ; if that we’re true then our adoption of faith would be based on personal gain and not for the fact that we realize we are born sick with sin and need deliverance. There simply would not be any atheists if this were true and we would not desire to change our fallen nature. We suffer with Christ who intercedes for our salvation or we suffer without him—to live is to suffer regardless.
    Before I digress further, my point is summed up here:
    Living is not safe. Naturally we construct beliefs to keep us from being consumed by fear of what could happen to us, or by guilt of what IS/HAS happened to others. This is explained by a theory called The Just-World Phenomenon, or “the tendency to believe that the world is just and that people get what they deserve. Because people want to believe that the world is fair, they will look for ways to explain or rationalize away injustice, often blaming the person in a situation who is actually the victim. The just-world phenomenon helps explain why people sometimes blame victims for their own misfortune, even in situations where people had no control over the events that have befallen them.”

    You’re right to feel sad Hannah for those who help you out by throwing Christian axioms at you in hope that one of them will stick and fix your adversity. It would be more helpful if they just sent you “good vibes” since that at least insinuates they care enough not to slap a bandaid on it. But understand that even though the advice and help that some have offered amounts to judgments in disguise, they are hoping that your suffering does not indicate that they are not safe from harm themself. They probably skip over parables and stories akin to Job who had no fault but lost all that he loved anyway because they cannot explain why he still has joy in the end. Without losing the fear of such loss in their own life they cannot see that pain is only endured for the night (not literally a few hours but for a duration) and joy comes in the morning (a picture of resurrection). It’s not sad because they haven’t been broken by pain in order to be reforged by faith yet but it’s sad that they believe your sickness indicates that they have something you don’t. The opposite could not be more true Hannah. Have they read the beatitudes where Jesus speaks “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted“ by the body of Christ. Jesus chose to redeem the broken and the suffering and we are to “weep with those who weep” as you pointed out. It’s only in western Christianity do we see portions of the church pointing at the broken as examples of faithlessness, when, in fact, it is countlessly illustrated that those who seek to disqualify fellow believers experience by means of groundless doctrine are the ones who are pharisaical and full of hypocritical standards. It’s been said that western Christianity fails outside of western society. We can see that today where Christians are being murdered for possessing a bible, praying or being the member of a church not sanctioned by that nation—What did they do to “deserve” death or torture or trial? Did they not pray “hard enough” too? Did they not pray the prayer of Jabez correctly? The “every good Christian deserves fudge” mentality instantly loses ALL credibility outside of our comfortable nation and shows that it is a constructed fallacy that leads to pain and not away from it.

    So keep writing, if not for yourself and a few who can stomach the truth that faith is not a device to avoid suffering but a guide through the inevitability that we will all suffer to the benefit of Gods glory, or to no one at all. Be certain however that your struggle is not in vain and that faith in our Lord causes our pain to be redeemed so that it may touch others who have not yet found their breaking point. I bet there are many who have thought, like me, that with all the responses you must receive from your blog that my response would be in excess. For those that are humbled by suffering are hesitant to offer unsolicited advice, and those who think they have slipped by without such suffering are quick to brazenly offer their spiritual “methods” of escaping such horrific experiences in life. This is why I responded to your message today and I’d encourage others who are humble to speak out as well. We may feel like we can’t fix it for you, but that is the point, we cannot. Perhaps we only called to listen and support with love, which means we may have to suffer along with you instead of try to patch it up so we feel better as we move on to something else.

    Thank you for sharing who you are and your very real experiences with us all.

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  2. Dirk Pree

    HANNAH,

    I LOVE YOUR HEART! DON’T YOU DARE STOP IT FROM BEATING HANNAH. ONE DAY VERY SOON, ALL OUR TEARS WILL BE WIPED AWAY! YOUR OBSERVATIONS ARE SPIRIT DRIVEN THROUGH EXSPERIENCE, SADLY I KNOW IT ALL TO WELL.

    THANK YOU FOR SHARING! MORE MORE MORE! Dirk Pree

    HE> i, Blessing’s

    Psalm 146:5-10  Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his Help, whose Hope is in the Lord his God:

    Praise ye the Lord.

    Like

  3. Emily Olive

    Oh Hannah, as hard as it was for you, I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE STILL WRITING!! You write so beautifully and right to the very core. I feel as if we are sitting together having coffee and you are telling me this as I am struggling. I feel so much for you on the matter of loneliness, people’s negative (even if unintentionally) response and people leaving you behind because they don’t understand or think they do and don’t like your response. I’m so sorry all of that happened to you and didn’t have the support you needed. We desperately need fellowship but my God is it hard to have good fellowship with other believers when we are hurting. Josh and I pray and think of you and Rous often. We’ve appreciated knowing you and love you dearly. When you are ready, I look forward to our coffee dates in the near future ❤

    Like

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