Becoming a More Calm & Present Parent (My 5 Tips)

I don't know how many mamas are out there that will relate to this, but I know I'm not alone. I personally have struggled a TON with overwhelm and stress (and sometimes anger & rage when I let those feelings compound) since becoming a mother. I think I've always had this tendency to get easily overwhelmed and angry, but parenthood just has a way of shining a blindingly bright light on every little crack in your character or personality.

For awhile, I was in the throes of postpartum depression and wallowing in victim mentality. I thought that what I really needed was to get away from my children. I'll be writing on this topic more in-depth in another article…but long story short: I became aware of the ways I was contributing to my own misery and I got real with myself. I started to pay attention to my patterns and moods so that I could hone in on why I was irritable or feeling helpless so frequently. I began to ask questions - which part(s) of the day do I notice that I'm growing irritable? When am I most relaxed? How's my screen time?

I realized that I had certain habits that were definitely contributing to my stress and “spread-thin” feeling. I was also going through a huge shift in my relationship, as we had just introduced a new baby into our dynamic (and we had gotten pregnant after only a few months of dating). While it seems a little harsh to “get real” with myself, I also was able to give myself some grace after taking into account the very real stress of a new baby and a changing relationship with my partner.

It took a couple of years to catch onto these 5 things and begin to implement meaningful change, but once I did, I noticed a huge difference and I hope they’ll help you too!

1. Turn off the TV!

The background noise drives me insane. I know some folks truly enjoy the background noise, though, so if this is you, don’t sweat it. I find that when the TV is on, the kids are chattering, the AC is blowing, the ceiling fans are on full-blast, and I’m trying to get something done, it’s simply a recipe for disaster and I get snappy very quickly. I only turn on the TV if the kids will be actively watching a show (not bouncing around the house while the TV remains on) and try to use it strategically to get the tasks done that are trickier to do with my children bouncing around.

2. WiFi Off and Devices Away!

I've noticed we get less restful sleep if I accidentally leave the WiFi on all night. The kids also are way more…wired…if I leave the WiFi on during the day. We try to use it intentionally. If it isn’t being actively used for my work or for TV time, it needs to be off. We truly see a difference in our children leaving it on vs. turning it off.

3. Declutter!

This one is tricky, as not all of us are “good” at paring down. I also can't be super minimalist because I know that I'll need all those bed sheets for something one day, or those old ratty clothes. I got super caught up in lusting after extreme minimalism for a few years, but then I began to think about how many of us truly do benefit from having back-ups of products or saving our old clothes for rags. I realized that it was the spirit of minimalism that I valued, and I had to unplug myself from the trendiness and sensationalism of it all. Knowing what we have and being honest with ourselves about whether or not a certain item will actually get used is invaluable.

This helps me in my day-to-day because it cuts down on the amount of “things” that my children can get into and it drastically cuts back on the amount of cleaning I have to do to keep the house functioning smoothly. Less furniture to dust, less toys to clean up throughout the day, less annoying kitchen gadgets to clean, less laundry to do…you get the idea. I personally find it somewhat difficult to pare down toys, so I’ve adopted a rudimentary toy rotation system that keeps a lot of the toys put away at any given time.

4. Pray.

This one can be hit or miss for some people, or it can simply take some time and effort to figure out how you personally speak to God. Something about breaking down and asking God to take on my burdens has helped me through many stressful situations or “bad moods.” It’s a huge shift from my previous mindset, which had me believing that I always needed to be strong, that I was the only one who could solve every single one of my problems, and that if my life was overwhelming that it was purely my fault. While I strongly believe in personal responsibility and in the power of the human mind, I also see the value in having a Creator to lean on.

It’s not that I feel helpless, it’s that some burdens are not meant to be carried alone. Often we are so caught up in our own mess or individual misery that we fail to see a bigger picture or a solution, and we could use a little help. If this resonates, I highly encourage you begin reading scripture and to add prayer into your daily routine (I highly recommend the YouVersion Bible app for access to all types of different versions of the Bible, as well as bible studies, daily verses sent to you in your notifications, and so much more).

5. Shift your Mindset.

Consider which other ways may exist for you to view your life. Maybe you could certainly use a break from being Mama, but could it also be a possibility that perhaps you need a loose schedule to flow through your days and weeks? Are you operating without structure and floating through each day, counting down until bedtime? Are you simply flying by the seat of your pants? Perhaps your schedule is too strict for your current phase of life and is putting too much pressure on you.

Take some time to really think about how you move through your days and if it is really benefiting you in your current phase of life. Some activities or schedules may be more appropriate for mothers of older children, while some may be more appropriate for mothers of younger children. The things that work for mothers of older children may not work well for mothers of newborn babies or toddlers, and vice versa! Don’t worry, I’ll have more articles going deeper into this concept. For now, keep it low-stress and just take stock of your life - no need to go crazy and feverishly try to implement a drastically new schedule or add a bunch to your plate.