Hurt and Sorrow

As I woke up this morning it was on my heart, that yes, I do need to be here for others going through suffering, going through hard times of life, going through hardness. Since my surgery happened almost 11 months ago, and I feel in no where near my old self, and not all recovered yet. I have felt so afraid by so many things, so afraid of people. I have been treated in a lot of really sad and messed up ways. Pre surgery I was able to handle being uncared for as a sick person, I could handle being gossiped about, I could handle being uncared for. I could even handle constantly compare themselves to me when they as how I’m doing.

Since this last major brain surgery, I am unable to handle those things. It was a severe traumatic experience. Everything that I just wrote about people have still been treating me in this way, Even when I could barely walk, could barely talk, was blind in both eyes (now just a quarter of both eyes), had a brain swollen for so many months, and I couldn’t do anything right. Yet, I was treated in those same ways. It’s mind blowing for me. People would look to themselves about what they wanted from me, when I physically and mentally couldn’t do anything. Could you imagine the pain and fear that caused me?

When people have opened up from me over the years about their health, from ALL over the world (crazy). I don’t just bring up my pain, I truly care for them and can only imagine what it’s like for them to have to go through that situation. I know what it’s like for them to tell me they feel alone…which is the majority of people I know or random people from social media opening up to me. People that know them aren’t even there for them. They feel so uncared for and unloved. They feel so judged.

To say that I haven’t judged anyone would be highly wrong. I know I have over the years. I know how a lot of it has had to do with me being a sick person and seeing things differently, so quick of me to judge, quick of me to want people to be “right”. Still growing in that, and I think we all will for the rest of our lives.

The extreme judgement after this crazy experience has been so hard on me. So quick to judge that I’m already healed, quick to judge that Rous and I are already thinking of having kids, quick to judge that I’m a b word with relationships, when people don’t even know the relationships. It’s been so hurtful to me and so heavy. So ready to stop this blog, ready to stop my work on Instagram. Ready to stop everything and hide so I’m not judged in the way I’m seen.

Talked to my Mom last night because I was about to have moment of reaching my threshold that really makes me a different person. She had said that even if I wasn’t as open as I am, to be there to those who suffer and to be there for those who want to learn. I would still be judged. Even if I didn’t own a phone and computer I would still be judged. The teaching we listened to today had me crying the whole time. The Lord has given us ALL a purpose and He has specific things for us. Since feeling so judged and hurt I’ve wanted to throw away every social media. But I know, I know that I have a clear purpose for these 16 years of suffering. I’ve learned SO much of how to be there for those suffering and I want so deeply for others to be there for those going through crazy hard times. I can’t just give it all up because I feel hurt and uncared for and judged. No, I just have to turn my cheek and pray to God. Give each post to the glory of God, and hopes that other humans understand how not to be there to others in the midst of suffering.

One of the things that I wish I would’ve felt encouraged by was the business I have on Instagram. I’m able to work with so many brands, meet so many people, and be able to work with areas I’m good at. Photography, editing and social media. I have felt like people thing I’m just a girl so into myself. Which I get where you could go with that. But no, I make money. While I”m at home laying flat literally, the majority of all my days. If as a christian you think I shouldn’t be posting photos of myself to make money while working at home, what do you think? Do you understand how that could hurt coming to someone who’s ill? I have a passion for editing and creating content for business, it’s SO healthy for me to be able to work in a way that I”m good at and love. If you think I’m super into myself and want to feel pretty…ha, you don’t know me. I’ve talked very specifically to the people I respect about this subject. I’ve met and reached to so many people, a lot who aren’t even saved. Who see me on social media as somebody different, but they relate because they have a job with companies like I do. Hopefully this will be my last time even talking about this. If you think I’m all healed and better because I post photos of myself, nope. I do it when able for brands to pay me, and then work on editing when I’m unable to go walk around.

I know many others who “look” normal, and are talked like they are fine and healthy because they look fine. No, we’re not. Just because we look fine, in no way means we feel good and are healthy people. I feel for every single one who’s talked to me about this or who’s reading this and gets it. If you saw me at home when I feel so sick, maybe you would stop assuming and judging. For all the sick people I speak this.

For the extreme few people who I have felt so cared for and loved during this traumatic affection of my life, wow I thank you more than could ever be expressed. To my neurologist who has to email me back constantly saying, I’m STILL recovering from this brain surgery, I thank you. Making me feel like one day I’ll be better, one day it all won’t be this hard. But, that’s up to the Lord. Whether I’m sick on this earth, God’s the one with a purpose or whether I’m healed and feel what life is really like not sick one day, then I would so highly praise God and give it all to Him.  ♥

 

 

 

 

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Being Real Video!!

img_5445New Youtube Video! Please Watch!

After having this video for over a week now, I’m finally going to share! The story of my life has been hard, sad, confusing, questioning, sorrowful, trusting, hopeful, passionate and desperate. I know there is a reason for EVERYTHING in our lives, and I’m so hopeful to be there. Opening up on my first video (link in bio) about my life journey, and already working on the second now! I would LOVE to get to know you, love to answer your questions, love to be there for those suffering! Those who can relate to what to say I SO want to hear it! So much love ❤️❤️

Happy Father’s Day

I’ve been meaning to write one like this for/about my Dad.

I don’t really know how to put into words how truly thankful and blessed I am by this man. He’s my strongest rock. Safest help. My greatest encourage that, “it’s ok”. The person I’ll open up to about things that I do not say. He listens, he cares, he helps me.

There are so many ways for me to talk about him, and I don’t think I can even find the words to.

Going back over the years, there’s been a lot. He’s done so much. I’ve probably caused a couple wrinkles (not that you notice any!). He’s never complained for made me feel worthless. I could start writing about before the age of 12 when I became sick, but I guess this blog is mostly open about my life going through all this.

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I remember when I started my period (shhhhh so embarrassing). I was 12 at elementary school, and it all started. None of us knew my platelets are low or we would’ve contacted a dr with the way it was all happening. Not normal to say the least. But I was at school, and called my Dad telling him I needed him to pick me up as soon as possible. He automatically says, “Did you start your period?”. How did he even know haha? I said yes, and he instantly said he was on his way to pick me up. Making me feel supported and safe. I’ll never forget this moment, mostly because it was embarrassing, but all because of how sweet he was to me. He brought over 15 pairs of pants for me. Which is so beyond funny. Such a man. And I appreciate it so much! He knew I needed something!

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He’s rushed me to the hospital all the many times these years. Bloody mouth, bloody nose, period, fevers, infections, just worried. He is eager and so willing (and I know he wants me there pretty bad too :)) to rush me. Day or night. I remember MANY nights of me waking him up and just needing physical help or needing ER times. I’m so thankful for all his work.

There have been so many times where I’ll start feeling “weird” over these years. I have had way too many “weird” feelings followed by seizures or other random health things. He calms me down every single time. Yes something may be going on, but I do not need to be as freaked out or anxiety worse than mine is. So calming and strong for me to keep going, keep fighting, keep believing. I’m so thankful for his care.

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I remember in high school my Dad and I were down by their pond (no clue what we’re doing down there), but I had had a giant bruise bleeding in my wrist. No, not like all these big bruises people like to show from getting hit. All mine are from spontaneous hemorrhaging from my ITP. Just thinking back to my young self I feel sad. I remember talking to my Dad about it, and he truly calmed me down. He wasn’t going to let me bleed to death. He wasn’t going to let me be scared for my wrist bleeding so heavily inside (I went and got one of my weekly infusions). I got to be able to sleep last night, not scared for my life. I’m so thankful how much he has and will protect me.

There have been nurses, Drs, CNAs, phlebotomists..basically lots like that in this whole healthcare I’ve needed over the years. The majority are AMAZING. But there is quit a few who have been very rude, mean and hurtful to a young girl. high schooler and sick woman needing them. EVERY single time my Dad has been there with me during moments with people like that, he will stand up for me. He will speak truth to these people. He will not act like it’s all ok to treat his daughter like that or let me go through it. This right there makes me breath a deep breath full of thankfulness and honor for him! P.S. If you’re one of my dear friends in hospitals and Drs, you KNOW how much I care and love you. I try and tell you every single time!

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I can’t remember the majority of what happened to me over these past 7 months. Just visions or “shots” of an activity from my intense recovery (that I’m still going through). I remember moments from my Dad being the most helpful person I could ever express. I could barely see. I would just grab his arm and he would help me, always telling me what’s about to come as we walk. I remember about 30 seconds in Arizona of just not understanding how to wear clothes or what to put on my body. I really can’t even explain how little I was able to do things. This is when I was at the start of my inability to talk right, and he came and helped me understand the clothes to put on that day, how to put them on, if I’ll be ok wearing them. He sat with me in Arizona and “watched” movies with me all day everyday. I had no clue what was happening in movies because I couldn’t see right, understand that many words, or words even being spoken. He just sat there to be with me. Yep, another thing that makes me cry.

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Noclue the dates or times of any of these memories, but they’re shot into my head even when the majority is gone. Very crazy to me. Months after Arizona we were watching a movie, no clue what. And I told my Dad I needed to talk with him. I was talking to him about everything I was possibly going through will all this. It’s when the side of my left was still swollen and I had zero feel of emotions. It was terrifying. I felt no emotion you could even think of. After this movie I had felt a glimpse of love. And I was telling my Dad how hard it is because I barely feel anything. I told him I know that I completely love him, but I feel none of it. You have to understand, it’s not an emotion I had to not feel these, it’s my brain being very swollen and having to rewire all of my nerves on that side. Very intense. He just helped me know that I will feel again, even though I couldn’t imagine it then. I knew it would happen. He was there for me, and cared through every thing that my brain was dealing with.

I’m so beyond thankful to have him as my father. He really is the best man, and if you know me, you know I don’t feel the need to just say things 🙂 I love you, Dad. ♥

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My heart breaks for the beautiful friends in my young life who have lost their Dad. I’m not going to write a long thing, for it is not our job to fill it with words. Someone who has not gone through this (me). I don’t ever want to say words of “encouragement” when that’s not needed or hurtful. My heart has felt very loving to my friends, very caring, and very sorrowful. It’s not just one day a year for those who’ve lost. It’s daily. Care for your friends, never make it all better. Much love to you all ♥

Suffering

My fingers shake and tears stream down my eyes as I begin to type. It’ll be 3 months and 14 days since my brain surgery. I check it everyday. I don’t even know if I have the words to express what happened or what is still going on.

It was hard on my before surgery. Knowing I was going to go through and have my left skull open, instead of my last laser one (crazy painful/hard). I knew it would be hard. Drs knew it would be the most painful one, but none of us thought of what was about to happen.

I only remember “flashes” from the last 3 months. A main part of that is yes, my short term memory. My hippocampus (which controls short term memory). Waking up in the hospital and in pain you will not understand (almost the majority reading, I feel no need being dramatic). They had shaved my hair, cut open my skull, cut my jaw cord, so they could open my mouth on that side much wider. They took out a good chunk of brain.

I remember trying to say words of pain meds. I couldn’t talk right. When I’d open my eyes there was people walking all on the right, animals jumping, lights squealing by in every different color. I’d look at people and have no clue what that person looked like. I could understand the voices I know, but I couldn’t see them. When I looked at people, half of their face was gone. My brain/eyes lost the ability to see the right side on everything. It filled in the missing vision with all the actions floating in that “black out” side for me.

People would talk, and for months I’d say, “what? I don’t get it”. The ability for my brain to hear multiple words in a row was too hard on me to understand. I need few, and very slow. I “stuttered” often, but it was more so me trying to say a word that should come out of my mouth, but it wouldn’t. My mind couldn’t find them. I had to rewire (still working on it) to find words to be able to say.

I had lost all form of emotions. My brain, my body, my heart couldn’t feel them. I felt like a robot who didn’t know how to take care of what I was doing. I felt nothing. What was touched in my brain is of course the side of emotions. It was incredibly hard to understand how to deal with things being said, or even deal with the fact that I wasn’t all better each week. It was a couple months before I felt an actual “love” feeling. Unless you’ve truly been through this there is no way to describe the ability not to even know what it is. It was impacting me so severely. I didn’t know how to do life. Over and over again, everyday, doing the same things. Not talking right, unable to see, can’t read, have lost the majority of names I’ve known even my whole life (I’m learning names of people back slowly), couldn’t remember what happened after each day (I’ve learned to write down days and events), thought my brain wasn’t done right, I couldn’t talk long, it would completely tire my whole body to the ground.

As I type these I still cry. It’s all extremely hard to deal with, but I’m now working on it all slowly. It was very hard the many people who would send words to me, thinking they understand what will help, bible verses, youtube videos, advice on life, relating things they’ve been through. It was beyond hard on me to take in. I full on know people just do not get this at all. Very few people. There is only one man I talked to about all of these, and actually got it because he’s done the SAME thing! I will write about what people shouldn’t do for those truly suffering. I know they wanted to help. It wrecked me though. I’ve learned from years of intense suffering what not to do to those hurting.

I take a big deep breath as I write this. I need to take one day at a time. My ability to handle things i not like normal. They said it was an incredibly traumatic event that happens. It’s good for me to take everything slow, not push myself, not let people come at me, not think I’m going to be all healed in a week. My amazing neurologist said after this surgery it will be up to a year recovery. So I need to just understand that and go slow in life. I’m trying, it’s just all hard on me. Hard to handle.

There is so much for for me to say of what has happened and what is still going on. I need healing in even the strong surgery that just happened. Not just the pain. When people see me don’t think I’m all “normal Hannah” because I’ve now started wearing makeup, putting on normal clothes and seeing me laugh. Each day is different.

My heart goes to those with long term sicknesses. I cry often over it. It’s not like normal things everyone wants to compare their lives with.

I will tell you this. I couldn’t feel anything in me. I couldn’t feel Jesus with me, I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t even think words in my mind, and could barely speak out loud. That was beyond hard in not able to go after my Savior. I know more than anything Jesus was with me. I know more than anything He truly cared and was saddened by what I just went through. Once I was able to start “feeling” Christ, praying word at a time to Him tears of “feeling” God. I don’t know how to explain it or truly have you understand it unless you’ve ever had a brain surgery this intense. I told my speech therapist at one time that Jesus has been with me more than anyone my whole life, especially coming from the 12 year old girl who got sick. If I had not none Jesus Christ, and felt is actual presence with me during all these sorrowful years of sickness and intense hospital seasons. I don’t know where I’d be.

Jesus has me here now. There is/must be a reason. Faith as small as a mustard seed will move mountains. I’m hoping for strong faith in Jesus.

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My whole left side, especially my head was swollen for over a month. I have no memory of this picture or it being light in that room at all. Thank goodness for the care in Phoenix♥

Letting you know, I can’t use all words right still. I sound “weird” sometimes. My brain is still working to sound right and understand what comes out of my mouth ❤️

Round Two of Brain Surgery

I feel like everytime I start to write I have tears in my eyes. Such a strange season of life that I feel is so unreal, and my mind does not know how to grasp it.

I’m currently laying on the couch shaking from how weirdly sick I feel, which isn’t a strange thing in case your’e wondering. No clue if it’s from seizure activity or just my body being the weird self it is. Possibly just all the anxiety, fear and confusion I feel kicking in. I didn’t sleep much last night. I kept waking up all night with my mind racing about the upcoming surgery. It’s just so unreal that this is happening. I want to say how strong my faith is and how encouraged I am, how joyful I feel about it, and how I know it’s all for a good purpose. Sadly that’s not where my mind’s been going.

Before you feel the need to write to me “encouraging” me, just wait. I haven’t really been opening up about everything because I can’t keep hearing people try and fix, help, make me laugh, change my view on everything. Unless you’ve been through a journey of sickness like this just please don’t. I can’t tell you how much it wears me down. I know so much people mean good, but it is the hardest thing to just smile and go, “yep, thanks”.

I’ve vented with others who are very sick about this and we feel the same. Don’t compare your blood draw to this upcoming surgery. It just hurts us. Don’t say you get it because you were really sick for a month in the 4th grade, which of course I’m sad you were, but you’re better (praise the Lord!). This is a daily struggle for SO many people. It’s been almost 14 years of seriously hard health issues. I’m at the point of not being able to smile when someone makes a joke about severe bleeding, seizures, brain surgery, memory loss, me not being able to sit up long because I’ll pass out. It’s just not funny, and it’s not a light topic. It’s a very real and very hard battle I’m going through right now.

I know so much that people do not mean to cause any kind of hurt in me, that’s why I thought I’d open up about it. For me and other people you know who are sick. When people just give me a hug and say they’re so sorry for me, they love me, that means so so much to me. I feel genuinely loved. My dear friend Sloane recently dropped off a bag of delicious food and magazines to help me and I cried. That action meant so much more to me then a, “It could be so much worse.”. The cutest Jessica (who just had a baby!) brings me a meal, and she didn’t even know how I was feeling, made me cry. She just wanted to help. And it helps so much! I feel so loved and cared for! As I write this I know there’s other things people have done but my memory is so far gone right now.

Thank you so much to all my friends who have loved and cared for me! This next season of life is going to be a hard one. December 8th is my brain surgery. They’ll cut open 4 inches of my skull and go in to remove the last remaining part of my scar. I cry as I start typing this. My sweet Dr. said this recovery is going to be hard, this is going to be a lot longer than the last surgery. I can’t even imagine that being true. I was in so much pain, so out of it, severely depressed, couldn’t think right for MONTHS after the last one. Will this one really be harder? I pray it won’t.

Next month I was suppose to be having our baby around this time. Instead I’ll be having my skull cut open. How am I suppose to understand that? I guess that’s when having a God that I really believe in is tested strongly. There has to be a purpose for all these things in my life, there has to be. If not, what even is this life.

We’ve been so blessed with money for this trip and surgery, an amazing place to stay, my parents being able to come. I truly am so thankful for so much. If you’re reading this please pray for the heavy weight I feel. I’ve been blessed so much, but all that is in my mind since the date has been set is this intense surgery. I’ll be out with friends acting as though everything’s normal, I never want to bring up my issues, but dang, I’m about to go through a crazy life event that most people have no clue what it’ll even look/feel like.

Take every thought captive, I know I know. But, it is extremely hard. Everyday is different for me. I’m unable to drive so I’m stuck home most days alone, and wow it is tough. You’re unable to drive till 3 months after having a grand mal. I didn’t think it would be this hard, but it makes me feel even more trapped.

I think about all the hair that will be shaved off, the intense amount of pain I’ll feel, the loneliness I’m scared of feeling (like last surgery), the short term memory that will be damaged more…so on and so on. It’s just a lot. Wow, this is the most depressing one I’ve written yet!

Ha the funny thing is I’m not even depressed,  I’m just overwhelmed!

Getting IVIG on the 4th to make sure I have platelets before surgery! 1st long treatment in over a year. I’m just happy I’ll get to see my sweet sweet nurses.  Please pray for the medicine to work and that I’ll have an abundant of platelets before and after surgery  so I’m not at risk of severe bleeding.

I do hope this all made sense and didn’t sound harsh. I just thought I’d really open up about how hard this has been in every area. So much love to all you who have been seriously supporting me! Thank you for the love I’ve felt by so many.

I may do one more post before surgery, but if not I’ll be back in quite a few months. Thankful to be seizure free, hopefully remembering who you are (half joke hee hee).

This Christmas I’ll be very very weak and out of it so Rousseaux and I are going to get a tree early and celebrate here at home. If you have any other fun ideas to make this special please let me know! I do feel partly guilty for making this a “sad” Christmas (and for way more things) so I wanted to do something special here at home with Rous!

Here is the page to donate ♥

I did also want to leave this song. I’ve been listening to this everyday. A dear friend over in Australia sent it to me awhile back and it has just been stuck in my heart. Thank you sweet Kieran! A super powerful song!

 

 

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Hope in the Midst of Suffering 

As we are flying above the clouds right now, on our way to the Mayo Clinic. My mind is racing with so many thoughts. I feel like I’ve never felt this confused in my life. I don’t have a “normal” life. I have one full of so many bizarre, scary moments. In tears thinking of what just happened.
Two days ago I had a massive Grand Mal. I had driven up to my parents alone and it happened there. It feels like a dream I had. I just remember waking up on a different couch with 3 fireman over me asking me who the president was. My parents said it took 30 minutes after my seizure for me to actually come to and communicate. It took hours upon hours for my body to recover. I kept asking questions over again because none of it seemed real and I couldn’t remember anything that happened.
The night before I had gone to hear Nick Vujicic speak with Rousseaux and my dear friend Aaron. Hearing him speak, I feel like woke up my crying soul. I never thought I’d be sick for this long, just never. I thought my life was “normal” once I got pregnant and my seizures went away, ignoring the fact I still had blood disease and heart disease. Nick made me feel like I actually have a purpose in life. That yes, I may be sick, I may get more sick, but I. HAVE. A. PURPOSE.
He’s a man with no arms or legs and is changing and impacting the lives of millions. His humor made me appreciate him even more! To be able to joke about the hardest parts in your life while encouraging other people with hardships was beyond inspiring to me. He’s able to use his disabilities to to touch hearts and minds in ways no one ever could.
I cried the whole time he was speaking. Thank you Nick, for being such a light in this world. You are an amazing example to me!
It was hours after my grand mal and the ambulance had taken me to the ER that I’m laying in bed, barely able to speak. I couldn’t even walk because of everything my body went through during the seizure. I had to have two people for the rest of the night lift me up on to the toilet. I had so many people coming in and staring, so many people trying to talk to me and me just not able to because of what my brain had physically just gone through. And as I laid in the hospital bed in between sobbing and in between asking my parents what had happened over and over again, I thought of Nick.
I’m crying even thinking about it. Yes I was in pain. Yes I was so confused (still am so confused). Yes I was physically hurting. But the words “my physical ailment truly does have a purpose”, was in the back of my head. What I’m going through now, could bring healing and light to others souls. I could be there for others who no one would be able to understand. Maybe someday I’ll get up on stage and talk about all these bizarre things I’m going through, along with my twisted humor, just to be able to make someone feel the way he made me feel.
It’s been 3 years since my last grand mal. They don’t know what caused this one. No change in any medicine, no change anywhere. Why did I have one this big after my major surgery? So many questions in my life I’ll probably never know, but I have to trust that the Good Lord has a plan. I have to or there’s no point in this life.
Tomorrow I begin all of my testing for my brain. I’ll be strapped to a hospital bed with so many wires connected to my head. Please pray for my patience, answers, wisdom and understanding for Drs., patience and love for Rous and I (we’ll be in a room for over 5 days 😂), and for my fear of the future to be gone. Yes, a much bigger brain surgery is in the works. I’m scared of what could happen after that one, scared it won’t heal my seizures, scared I’ll have worse memory loss, afraid I’ll become more blind, worse at the ability to think of words when I’m verbally communicating and so much more. But I can’t let that consume my being. Everything is planned and ordained by the Lord. There is a purpose for it all.
I feel my small heavy heart starting to have a little bit of hope.
Thank you to all the people that were there for me for this big bizarre seizure. My sweet ambulance girl (who said she followed me on Instagram?! Say hi!!!!), the cutest sweetest nurse in ER, oh my goodness she was such and amazing human! Dr Suarez, for truly being there, truly caring, calling Rous to try and help find him (he was camping out in the middle of nowhere :/) and he prayed over me, what an amazing man. My parents said my brother prayed over me at home after my seizure and was so loving to me which means the world to me! My sweet Father in law Réal and Mom Cheri for driving all over the mountains to find Rous and showing me so much love and care, my dear sweet Mikaela who lives right next door to me, having a friend who truly cares and gets me means the absolute world to me. Of course my sweet Rous for being found and coming to the hospital late into the night. And most of all my Mom and Dad. They were there with me through this all. So beyond loving and caring. I couldn’t talk or really move but they helped with everything. Always comforting me with their loving touches, figuring everything out with Drs and nurses. Thank you for being there, I don’t know what I’d do without you two!
And thank you SO much to those who have given to help me along with journey! I’m hoping to get all my cards written out, but if not just know I love and appreciate you so much. You’re helping me be able to live a better life ❤️

Mornin’ Smoothie

Hello dear friends,

I hope all is well in your homes and hearts, I’m happy to say it is over here! I had to share with you all my smoothie I make every morning. This past year has been such an eye opening one of how important it is to eat healthy, and I’m such a strong encourager to others to join in, especially those battling a sickness of any kind. It can truly change how you feel and think if you just feed your body real and true nutrients!

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So what are the benefits of all these yummy foods?

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Real Talk

Most of you who have been following on here have noticed a change. It isn’t just about my health, in fact most of it isn’t even talking about my health struggles. I’d love to keep you updated and let you know what’s really going on, please watch this video I made 🙂

 

 

So since I have been working with brands that’s why you’ll see so many pictures on here. I’ve been reaching out to many, and have been contacted by lots. Hoping to make a small income off of working with them. Pass the word around if you feel up to it!

This cozy sweater is from Closet Revival! Loved going to the beach and enjoying it’s warmth 🙂

 

 

Get 20% off with code: shophannah Go check out Closet Revival!

The link to my fundraising page is here ♥♥

And please share!

 

Free People Love

 

Lavender, braids, bees, and flowy Free People ♥

 

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I remember going on this shoot with Dawn, it was the first time we’d met, but we clicked and I adore her. She was so full of joy and made me feel so comfortable and lovely. We were in a little lavender field full of 100s of bumble bees. It was such a pleasant little time and I’m so glad these moments happen.
If you already don’t know Free People is in my top 3 favorite clothing lines. So much bohemian goodness in everything!
What is your favorite Boho brand? ♥

 

P.S. Go find Dawn on Instagram!

Inspired by Darling

Hello my wonderful friends!

This new season of my life has been pretty crazy, and dare I say wonderful?! I’ve been so blessed by all the love and support I’ve had. I’ve been so truly blessed to have a life that’s waaaaay more normal than the one I was living. Seizure free, has abled me to start living the life I’ve always dreamed of.

I’m able to have my first job at my most favorite store, Terra Firma Home. Every time I’m there I’m so full of joy. I’ve never have been able to be around people, and meet so so many new people. The only time I was around new (ish) people, was church, and Doctors/hospital visits. So this has brought me so much joy to meet new people, and talk with them.

Rous, and I have been talking about all the plans for the future that we’re now able to do. It’s so crazy. We didn’t realize how held back we were, until I was free of this. The other night at 8 PM we spontaneously drove to the coast, went to bed in our Subaru in the back, woke up at 5 to watch the sunrise.. Of course it was too cloudy and foggy so we explored the ocean. Had such good quality time. We’ve never been able to do things like that because I was too sick. Did this make me extra tired? Yes, but my seizures didn’t double up because of the lack of sleep. Now we can’t wait to see what the future hold for us!

I’ve alway have had a desire to truly be a light to this world. I’ve learned so much from all of this, and want to inspire girls, and others who are suffering. Since having more energy and the ability to do more things, this desire has really increased. I’ve been reaching out to so many people to encourage and help, with just life, and I’m so grateful for it.

I want to share my story with so many, but have never really been able to grasp how. A little over a year ago this article I wrote at Darling Magazine, was chosen to be featured. It’s been so encouraging to me to remember that that happened. I love Darling, and the message they portray of natural, and healthy beauty. I hope to get more involved with them and other businesses like that. If you have any advice please contact me ♥

I have so many dreams for life, and I slowly feel like things are coming forth. I know so many of us have dreams and desires, and we just think that they will never happen so we don’t take a leap of faith. Well, I’m telling you, as a girl who suffered so badly from seizures. And was unable to do so much with my life. Is now taking my leap into new beginnings, you should too! I still have two diseases, but I really want to experience life, so I’m not letting those drag me down.

I hope and pray that you take your leap of faith. If you want to talk more please contact me. ♥

Click HERE to read the Darling post.