Real Talk

Most of you who have been following on here have noticed a change. It isn’t just about my health, in fact most of it isn’t even talking about my health struggles. I’d love to keep you updated and let you know what’s really going on, please watch this video I made 🙂

 

 

So since I have been working with brands that’s why you’ll see so many pictures on here. I’ve been reaching out to many, and have been contacted by lots. Hoping to make a small income off of working with them. Pass the word around if you feel up to it!

This cozy sweater is from Closet Revival! Loved going to the beach and enjoying it’s warmth 🙂

 

 

Get 20% off with code: shophannah Go check out Closet Revival!

The link to my fundraising page is here ♥♥

And please share!

 

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Inspired by Darling

Hello my wonderful friends!

This new season of my life has been pretty crazy, and dare I say wonderful?! I’ve been so blessed by all the love and support I’ve had. I’ve been so truly blessed to have a life that’s waaaaay more normal than the one I was living. Seizure free, has abled me to start living the life I’ve always dreamed of.

I’m able to have my first job at my most favorite store, Terra Firma Home. Every time I’m there I’m so full of joy. I’ve never have been able to be around people, and meet so so many new people. The only time I was around new (ish) people, was church, and Doctors/hospital visits. So this has brought me so much joy to meet new people, and talk with them.

Rous, and I have been talking about all the plans for the future that we’re now able to do. It’s so crazy. We didn’t realize how held back we were, until I was free of this. The other night at 8 PM we spontaneously drove to the coast, went to bed in our Subaru in the back, woke up at 5 to watch the sunrise.. Of course it was too cloudy and foggy so we explored the ocean. Had such good quality time. We’ve never been able to do things like that because I was too sick. Did this make me extra tired? Yes, but my seizures didn’t double up because of the lack of sleep. Now we can’t wait to see what the future hold for us!

I’ve alway have had a desire to truly be a light to this world. I’ve learned so much from all of this, and want to inspire girls, and others who are suffering. Since having more energy and the ability to do more things, this desire has really increased. I’ve been reaching out to so many people to encourage and help, with just life, and I’m so grateful for it.

I want to share my story with so many, but have never really been able to grasp how. A little over a year ago this article I wrote at Darling Magazine, was chosen to be featured. It’s been so encouraging to me to remember that that happened. I love Darling, and the message they portray of natural, and healthy beauty. I hope to get more involved with them and other businesses like that. If you have any advice please contact me ♥

I have so many dreams for life, and I slowly feel like things are coming forth. I know so many of us have dreams and desires, and we just think that they will never happen so we don’t take a leap of faith. Well, I’m telling you, as a girl who suffered so badly from seizures. And was unable to do so much with my life. Is now taking my leap into new beginnings, you should too! I still have two diseases, but I really want to experience life, so I’m not letting those drag me down.

I hope and pray that you take your leap of faith. If you want to talk more please contact me. ♥

Click HERE to read the Darling post.

Seizure Free!

The sad thing is I feel like most of my posts are full of bad news. Bad health updates, how depressed I am, just how hard life is (if not I have severe memory loss haha).

This one, however, will not be like that. The 10th of this month was my 3 month anniversary of being seizure free. Just writing that makes me cry. I truly had no idea what a life was like without so many seizures a day. And the crazy thing is when they were testing me, even when I wasn’t feeling my seizures, there was still soooooo much seizure activity going on. So I always felt so sick for a good reason, so much activity going on there!

Well, Rous and I got back from our trip to the mayo a couple days ago. I’ve had so many people asking how it went, and I’m so bad at explaining things using my mouth now. Part of my brain that they burned off was the ability to think of words, thankfully I’m on a computer now and can take my sweet time, but when I talk to people it is such a struggle for me. So here is the little update….

Every MRI, ct scan, EEG (that’s basically all brain testing) that they did on me, came back completely seizure free. Zero seizure activity! My Drs. were even impressed by that. They thought I’d still be having at least one a week, but nope none. My sweet Neurologist says in about 3 months she will start weening me off my high dose of meds. At first I was a little bummed that it wouldn’t be right away, but I think I can wait 3 more months. She just wants to be extra careful with me and I’m so beyond grateful for the care i’ve received from her. They want me to see a speech therapist so I’ll hopefully be able to relearn how to communicate.

The hard thing is my blindness is still strongly there. Hasn’t exactly improved. Both eyes are now 25 percent blind. I’m slowly getting used to it, but still hoping that it comes back. My short term memory is significantly worse. They told me it would be, but wow they really burned off almost all of it. I feel so bad because I can’t remember anyone. Who they are, what their name is, memories of us. It’s crazy. The funny thing is I have had so many people say, “Hey my memory is just as bad and I didn’t have surgery.” I’m laughing now just writing this because no, no it’s not. Ha people don’t know what it’s like to have that burned off. I know so many people say things like that to try and relate, but it’s just hard to hear so much. I almost didn’t write this, but I thankfully can’t remember anyone who said it, I just know it’s been said to me so much. So I guess that’s a plus with memory loss :)Tee hee. And don’t be upset if you did say it!

This trip to the Mayo was seriously such a huge blessing to both Rous and myself. It was honestly just full of joy and real blessing from the Lord. I got to see a very dear friend, her name is Hope. Of course it is 🙂 I met her last time I was there and we got to talk about brain problems. That woman has suffered so much. She has had soooo many surgeries on her brain. And she even has my heart disease, POTS. I just am so blessed to know someone who truly understands what it likes to suffer in my way. People who have hard health issues definitely get this! This is Hope, and I’m asking you right now to just lift this amazing woman up in prayer. Pray for strength, peace, joy and healing. Prayer is so powerful! ♥IMG_5418

One of the days Rousseaux and I went into Starbucks and sat down at a table. I of course wanted to be in the sun so I had us move to a long table. There was a man sitting at the far end of it working on his laptop. We were there a couple minutes and the man says to me that I should get out of the sun. I told him how much I love being in the sun. A few minutes later we start opening up to each other…Why we were in Arizona, what I just went through. He turns his computer to us and what do you know he was in the process of studying? Focal seizures! My ex seizures! We were all so blown away by it. He is on his last steps of becoming a neurologist! We moved down by him and just started talking about life. It was his birthday, and he’s so far away from his family. He felt so blessed by us. And we thought it was so special to meet him. One of the sweetest most genuine, Jesus loving men we’ve met. We knew that was the Lord. We had breakfast with him the next morning and he drove us around showing us neat things there.His name is Giorgio. Which was even funnier to us because Rousseaux and I have a nickname for each other called Georgieaux, pronounced the same.

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The rest of the trip was talks of the future. What will life be like now without this? Do I have my blood disease? Yes. But I have had no serious bleeding in months! Do I have my heart disease? Yes. But I’m slowly trying to get used to it by ignoring and not fearing the symptoms that I get. We want to travel. I want to go to Australia! I first knew I was in love with Rous when he was living there and I was here, it’s so special to us. I have my first job that I love so much. I wanted to stop after my first day because I had never done so much or anything like that. My amazing boss said that I could, I could go home and get back on the couch all day. Or I could step out and try this. Wow, that blew my mind and encouraged me to keep going, and i’m so thankful that I have.

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Here is my beautiful Neurologist!

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A little post I did after seeing my surgeon:

Today I got to see my amazing surgeon, of course I started crying when I saw him. The Lord used him to totally take away my seizures! He said he was so so happy for me, and how sad he was of how sick and depressed I got after surgery. He kept reiterating how excited he was for my recovery and how different my life is going to be, starting at 25 being new. And how thankful he is to be able to do what he does to help me. Thank you sweet Dr. Zimmerman

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It’s been on my heart for awhile now, and just recently I really felt called to write a little book about my struggles, battles, hardships, and joy that I’m able to have through it all. Since going through such hard things since a young age, my prayer has always been that the Lord will use me to be a light and example to others who are battling such hardships. Now that I’m starting a new season of my life I feel it is time to start on this book. The crazy thing is I was at work, and my old Pastor Peter-John came in. I was just thinking about contacting him the day before because he wrote a book, and his testimony of what he’s been through touched me so much. I told him that I was thinking about it and he said he didn’t think he was suppose to be in the store to buy something, but to tell me that I absolutely am suppose to write a book! So well, that’s confirmation for me alright! If you have any wisdom, knowledge advice please please contact me.

My friend Amy, has started a fundraiser for me. As most of you know brain surgery, drs appointments, massive amounts of testing and traveling back and forth can be expensive. If you feel led to give even a tiny bit it would bless us so much. We fully know the Lord will provide and that thankfully gives us peace. Click here for the link 🙂

As most of you know I’ve wanted to meet Ellen and give her a hug. Thanking her for all the laughter she’s brought me through so many days of sorrow. I have not heard from her yet, but we made another video to hopefully get in contact with her…

Here is our new video, I can now sing from surgery!!

Darling

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A couple months back my dear friend, Dixie (she’s as cute as her name), showed me this magazine that she said she knew I would love the message, the pictures and the spirit behind it all. Darling Magazine. I began reading, and immediately fell in love with them.

They want to inspire women, and they do an amazing job! I’m pretty against most women magazines because they make women think they’re not hot, sexy, skinny, curvy, pretty enough for the world. And it just sickens me. This magazine inspires women to live real and true lives, and I love it. I started reading all their magazines, following them on social media and I can’t get enough of the message they send out. It’s funny, I started #thatsdarling on my instagram and have had quite a few friends make fun of me for it. I just fully support them and want their message to spread! I sent them this piece of my story to let them know just how much I appreciate them:

“”Darling leads women to practice the arts of virtue, wit, modesty, and wisdom- all the while creating beauty and embodying love.”

As I read the words from your magazine my mind and heart are reminded of the life i’ve lived and the lessons i’ve learned.

I’m a 24 year old housewife with a passion for life. The thing is I can’t do everything i have dreamed about. For 12 years I have suffered with a blood disease that has caused me to grow and mature a lot quicker than girls my age. In high school while my friends were concerned about boys and homework, I was in the hospital praying I would be able to go to school the next day, praying that that would be the last treatment. You see, since having it since the age of 12, while most girls are going through stages of wanting to be liked and wanting to be pretty, I was going through a stage of wanting to live! I would have my friends come to me complaining about tests and “fights” at school, and I would leave the conversation crying, just desiring them to see the life I was living. Desiring them to see there’s more to life!

I learned from a young age that it wasn’t about the way I looked or the clothes I wore, but how I can be a light in this world. My desires in high school (and since being out, even more) was truly to have virtue, wit, modesty and wisdom. I learned virtue by observing the amazing older women around me. I learned wit, some would say to a fault, by making light of my hard situation so I could make myself, my drs and my nurses laugh. Modesty, I learned from seeing my dear friends give themselves away, and come to me crying, feeling a loss within them. Wisdom, I learned from all the days spent at the hospital looking out the window wondering what life really is about. My hearts desire became to be an example, a witness and most of all a light.

For the past 3 years now, they’ve been the hardest and best years of my life. I married my best friend from my woodshop class. We started dating 5 years after high school, and married shortly after. My first boyfriend, kiss and love. The best friend i’ve ever had, the most loving, selfless and light in my life. A year and half after marriage I became really ill, and it had nothing to do with my blood disease. I got diagnosed with a heart disease that has debilitated me in so many ways. I’ve had to learn, despite all these hard times, what life really is about.

It’s about knowing there is a purpose for your life, despite your circumstances. I never thought I would have two diseases that hurt so bad, but during these times I’ve been able to share my story with so many others who suffer, and the hope I see in their eyes while I talk to them is so worth the pain I’ve suffered. To encourage others that they too have a purpose, gives me joy.

And all the while I’ve grown a passion for finding real and true beauty in this world. I’ve learned to truly know what it means to embody love. With my husband, strangers from across the world who have read my story, girls from high school who have written to me, and most of all by the One who’s never left my side through it all.

All this to say, thank you, Darling. For reaching out to women all over and sharing the true meaning of beauty!”

Mayo Clinic

Well, I just applied at the Mayo Clinic in Florida, but honestly I’d go wherever they could get me in. I know they’ve helped so many people actually figure out where there sickness is coming from and treat it..and cure it. I’ve had so many people these past couple months encouraging me to go and I really feel led to go. I’m hoping and praying that they see me as someone they can help and get me in. I’m desperate.
These past couple months of this new sickness has brought my joy down so low. It’s been so hard for me to have hope. That’s what everyone’s been encouraging me with, but after 11 years and then this new sickness that they can’t figure out what I frankly feel hopeless. There’s so many dreams I have that I just don’t think will ever happen. Either because of death…which I know is hard to hear. I’ve never really been afraid of dying from all of this until lately. But hearing my Dr up north say he’s surprised I’m still alive every time he walked in the room maybe has me shooken up. Or I’m afraid my dreams will never happen because I’m frankly just too dang sick and tired to to anything. To really live! I aspire to travel the world with Rous, to have an incredibly cute store with my mom, be a free people model, to meet Ellen Degenerous (that woman made me laugh during times when I didn’t think laughing was possible), to be able to have organizations that can help other people going through sicknesses financially and to bring them joy in other ways. I want to live and make a difference in this world. Not feel sick and cry of sadness daily.
I know that the Lord gave us all that money that so many dear people donated for a reason. I’m hoping with everything in me that that reason is for healing. To get to the Mayo Clinic. Get everything covered.. Bills, a place to stay, flight, food. I know I don’t need to stress, that I need to trust. It’s just a hard thing to do right now. I’m going to want someone to go with me (if I get in) but not sure who would… Rous and my mom have to work and my dad has school. I will need support from someone. To laugh with and make jokes during a time like that. I know the Lord has someone perfect!
Thank you again for all the love and support I’ve been shown. I’ve never needed it so much in my life.

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There WILL be a day

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There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

 

This is my friend Kelly. Please pray for her joy, strength and health.