Being Real Video!!

img_5445New Youtube Video! Please Watch!

After having this video for over a week now, I’m finally going to share! The story of my life has been hard, sad, confusing, questioning, sorrowful, trusting, hopeful, passionate and desperate. I know there is a reason for EVERYTHING in our lives, and I’m so hopeful to be there. Opening up on my first video (link in bio) about my life journey, and already working on the second now! I would LOVE to get to know you, love to answer your questions, love to be there for those suffering! Those who can relate to what to say I SO want to hear it! So much love ❤️❤️

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Hope in the Midst of Suffering 

As we are flying above the clouds right now, on our way to the Mayo Clinic. My mind is racing with so many thoughts. I feel like I’ve never felt this confused in my life. I don’t have a “normal” life. I have one full of so many bizarre, scary moments. In tears thinking of what just happened.
Two days ago I had a massive Grand Mal. I had driven up to my parents alone and it happened there. It feels like a dream I had. I just remember waking up on a different couch with 3 fireman over me asking me who the president was. My parents said it took 30 minutes after my seizure for me to actually come to and communicate. It took hours upon hours for my body to recover. I kept asking questions over again because none of it seemed real and I couldn’t remember anything that happened.
The night before I had gone to hear Nick Vujicic speak with Rousseaux and my dear friend Aaron. Hearing him speak, I feel like woke up my crying soul. I never thought I’d be sick for this long, just never. I thought my life was “normal” once I got pregnant and my seizures went away, ignoring the fact I still had blood disease and heart disease. Nick made me feel like I actually have a purpose in life. That yes, I may be sick, I may get more sick, but I. HAVE. A. PURPOSE.
He’s a man with no arms or legs and is changing and impacting the lives of millions. His humor made me appreciate him even more! To be able to joke about the hardest parts in your life while encouraging other people with hardships was beyond inspiring to me. He’s able to use his disabilities to to touch hearts and minds in ways no one ever could.
I cried the whole time he was speaking. Thank you Nick, for being such a light in this world. You are an amazing example to me!
It was hours after my grand mal and the ambulance had taken me to the ER that I’m laying in bed, barely able to speak. I couldn’t even walk because of everything my body went through during the seizure. I had to have two people for the rest of the night lift me up on to the toilet. I had so many people coming in and staring, so many people trying to talk to me and me just not able to because of what my brain had physically just gone through. And as I laid in the hospital bed in between sobbing and in between asking my parents what had happened over and over again, I thought of Nick.
I’m crying even thinking about it. Yes I was in pain. Yes I was so confused (still am so confused). Yes I was physically hurting. But the words “my physical ailment truly does have a purpose”, was in the back of my head. What I’m going through now, could bring healing and light to others souls. I could be there for others who no one would be able to understand. Maybe someday I’ll get up on stage and talk about all these bizarre things I’m going through, along with my twisted humor, just to be able to make someone feel the way he made me feel.
It’s been 3 years since my last grand mal. They don’t know what caused this one. No change in any medicine, no change anywhere. Why did I have one this big after my major surgery? So many questions in my life I’ll probably never know, but I have to trust that the Good Lord has a plan. I have to or there’s no point in this life.
Tomorrow I begin all of my testing for my brain. I’ll be strapped to a hospital bed with so many wires connected to my head. Please pray for my patience, answers, wisdom and understanding for Drs., patience and love for Rous and I (we’ll be in a room for over 5 days 😂), and for my fear of the future to be gone. Yes, a much bigger brain surgery is in the works. I’m scared of what could happen after that one, scared it won’t heal my seizures, scared I’ll have worse memory loss, afraid I’ll become more blind, worse at the ability to think of words when I’m verbally communicating and so much more. But I can’t let that consume my being. Everything is planned and ordained by the Lord. There is a purpose for it all.
I feel my small heavy heart starting to have a little bit of hope.
Thank you to all the people that were there for me for this big bizarre seizure. My sweet ambulance girl (who said she followed me on Instagram?! Say hi!!!!), the cutest sweetest nurse in ER, oh my goodness she was such and amazing human! Dr Suarez, for truly being there, truly caring, calling Rous to try and help find him (he was camping out in the middle of nowhere :/) and he prayed over me, what an amazing man. My parents said my brother prayed over me at home after my seizure and was so loving to me which means the world to me! My sweet Father in law Réal and Mom Cheri for driving all over the mountains to find Rous and showing me so much love and care, my dear sweet Mikaela who lives right next door to me, having a friend who truly cares and gets me means the absolute world to me. Of course my sweet Rous for being found and coming to the hospital late into the night. And most of all my Mom and Dad. They were there with me through this all. So beyond loving and caring. I couldn’t talk or really move but they helped with everything. Always comforting me with their loving touches, figuring everything out with Drs and nurses. Thank you for being there, I don’t know what I’d do without you two!
And thank you SO much to those who have given to help me along with journey! I’m hoping to get all my cards written out, but if not just know I love and appreciate you so much. You’re helping me be able to live a better life ❤️

Mornin’ Smoothie

Hello dear friends,

I hope all is well in your homes and hearts, I’m happy to say it is over here! I had to share with you all my smoothie I make every morning. This past year has been such an eye opening one of how important it is to eat healthy, and I’m such a strong encourager to others to join in, especially those battling a sickness of any kind. It can truly change how you feel and think if you just feed your body real and true nutrients!

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So what are the benefits of all these yummy foods?

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Real Talk

Most of you who have been following on here have noticed a change. It isn’t just about my health, in fact most of it isn’t even talking about my health struggles. I’d love to keep you updated and let you know what’s really going on, please watch this video I made 🙂

 

 

So since I have been working with brands that’s why you’ll see so many pictures on here. I’ve been reaching out to many, and have been contacted by lots. Hoping to make a small income off of working with them. Pass the word around if you feel up to it!

This cozy sweater is from Closet Revival! Loved going to the beach and enjoying it’s warmth 🙂

 

 

Get 20% off with code: shophannah Go check out Closet Revival!

The link to my fundraising page is here ♥♥

And please share!

 

Free People Love

 

Lavender, braids, bees, and flowy Free People ♥

 

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I remember going on this shoot with Dawn, it was the first time we’d met, but we clicked and I adore her. She was so full of joy and made me feel so comfortable and lovely. We were in a little lavender field full of 100s of bumble bees. It was such a pleasant little time and I’m so glad these moments happen.
If you already don’t know Free People is in my top 3 favorite clothing lines. So much bohemian goodness in everything!
What is your favorite Boho brand? ♥

 

P.S. Go find Dawn on Instagram!

Inspired by Darling

Hello my wonderful friends!

This new season of my life has been pretty crazy, and dare I say wonderful?! I’ve been so blessed by all the love and support I’ve had. I’ve been so truly blessed to have a life that’s waaaaay more normal than the one I was living. Seizure free, has abled me to start living the life I’ve always dreamed of.

I’m able to have my first job at my most favorite store, Terra Firma Home. Every time I’m there I’m so full of joy. I’ve never have been able to be around people, and meet so so many new people. The only time I was around new (ish) people, was church, and Doctors/hospital visits. So this has brought me so much joy to meet new people, and talk with them.

Rous, and I have been talking about all the plans for the future that we’re now able to do. It’s so crazy. We didn’t realize how held back we were, until I was free of this. The other night at 8 PM we spontaneously drove to the coast, went to bed in our Subaru in the back, woke up at 5 to watch the sunrise.. Of course it was too cloudy and foggy so we explored the ocean. Had such good quality time. We’ve never been able to do things like that because I was too sick. Did this make me extra tired? Yes, but my seizures didn’t double up because of the lack of sleep. Now we can’t wait to see what the future hold for us!

I’ve alway have had a desire to truly be a light to this world. I’ve learned so much from all of this, and want to inspire girls, and others who are suffering. Since having more energy and the ability to do more things, this desire has really increased. I’ve been reaching out to so many people to encourage and help, with just life, and I’m so grateful for it.

I want to share my story with so many, but have never really been able to grasp how. A little over a year ago this article I wrote at Darling Magazine, was chosen to be featured. It’s been so encouraging to me to remember that that happened. I love Darling, and the message they portray of natural, and healthy beauty. I hope to get more involved with them and other businesses like that. If you have any advice please contact me ♥

I have so many dreams for life, and I slowly feel like things are coming forth. I know so many of us have dreams and desires, and we just think that they will never happen so we don’t take a leap of faith. Well, I’m telling you, as a girl who suffered so badly from seizures. And was unable to do so much with my life. Is now taking my leap into new beginnings, you should too! I still have two diseases, but I really want to experience life, so I’m not letting those drag me down.

I hope and pray that you take your leap of faith. If you want to talk more please contact me. ♥

Click HERE to read the Darling post.

2 Month Celebration

It was 9 years of having multiple seizures a day, 2 years of having over 20 a day. They would wear me out so badly. I couldn’t talk when I was having one, I couldn’t tell whoever I was with that I was. I couldn’t even think of the word seizure after I was done having one. I was so beyond fatigued after one, my whole body just felt so sick. I could barely talk for quite awhile after. I couldn’t eat after. I didn’t even remember what life was like to not have multiple seizures a day.

Today is the 2 month celebration of not one seizure since my surgery. I’m crying out of joy as I write this. I had no clue what it was like to live a seizure free life. Wow, it is so beyond different. I honestly feel like a new person! My heart and head feel so much kinder towards…life! I have a joy that I don’t ever remember having. My desires to do so many things are slowly becoming realities and I just feel so blessed, so thankful, so happy.

The first month or  I regretted it badly. Even though I wasn’t having seizures it made me  beyond sick. And I was  out of it, and so scared that that’s what my life would be like. They didn’t warn me about any side effects, but boy did I have them! Now all that I really have is the blindness on the right side of both my eyes, which I’m slowly getting used to. And the ability to not think of words as I’m talking, ha which I’m not used to at all. I’ve lost so so much memory, but really I’m completely ok with that. I can’t remember names, or a lot of memories. But I’ve learned to write things down quickly!

I’ve desired for such a long time to be able to bless people in a big way. And although you might not think this is big, it sure makes people happy. I no longer charge for my photography. I want to be able to give people full sessions and edits with no cost! I’ve already started and it’s just made me so happy! I’m doing a wedding next month! My desire is to really be set up with a nicer camera and lens so I can bless people in a bigger way. This Saturday I’m having a little shop in my backyard of beautiful clothes and house decorations, to try and raise money for this project I’m working on. Ugh I’m just so excited!

Early June, Rous and I head off to the Mayo Clinic for a couple days for lots of testing and Drs appointments. I’m very curious of what a machine will actually catch in my brain. Is all the seizure activity really gone? There’s been moments where I feel like I might have one, but I don’t. I wonder if that’s actual seizure activity or just my body so dang used to it that I feel that. We shall see!

I have 1 sickness down, and two to go! One of the cures for POTS (heart disease) is working out. I haven’t been able to because of how sick I was. But for the past 3 weeks I’ve been working out pretty hard, so desperate for my heart to function normal, so I feel normal. It’s been just all around amazing for my health and mind ♥

Thank you to all the people who gave us food for a whole month after the surgery, wow was that needed and such a blessing. I don’t really remember most, but just know that I’m thankful. Thank you to the 100s of people praying for me, for all the kind words, sweet notes, loving hugs. So much love to you all ♥

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Photo by my dear friend Rachel Haylie. Go check her out at Rachelhaylie.com

Brand New Day

The start of a new day can be one that brings so much sadness and despair, it can bring hoplessness because of the circumstances and pain felt. Today though, isn’t a day like that. I woke up very early, and my whole body just hurt so bad, I felt so beyond tired. And thought, “great, here goes another day like this!”. But as I was sitting on our little couch and the clouds began to fade away and the sun began to shine, I got a restored hope for a good day. It’s good to have a day filled with hope. Today I’m hopeful for a day with energy and joy, a day that i’m able to get stuff done and actually do something with my life. Yay for happy days!

We got home from Arizona on the 28th, which just so happened to be my 25th birthday. It’s so nice to be home and just able to rest, think about everything that happened, talk about the plans for the future and just pray for peace. My birthdays are normally pretty hard for me emotionally, I wish my mind didn’t think this, but it does. Another year of sickness. 13 years..really? 13? Well, this year I will continue praying and believing in healing of my whole body. Brain, blood, and heart.

The trip to Arizona was surprisingly really good. Ok, maybe I shouldn’t say really good. But I was filled with a joy as I was literally locked to the hospital bed. The Drs. all saw it in me and I got to tell them about my hope and faith. I can’t believe how amazing those Drs. were. I saw 5 different doctors and each time they left the room I would cry, not because of sadness, but because of how grateful I am for the true genuine care and concern they had for me. Just the most loving people. I also got to bond with two different nurses. Gosh, they really just know how to make things better. I’m so beyond thankful for good nurses, if you’re a good nurse and you’re reading this, I LOVE YOU!

They were monitoring my brain 24/7 and luckily (?) they sure found what they were looking for. Almost constant activity in my left temporal lobe, which is where my seizures come from. When they took me off my medication, there was constantly abnormal stuff going on there. Even when I wasn’t having one of my seizures things looked wrong in there, which scared them. They all truly believe that removing it is just going to help my seizures so much. 70% chance that they’ll be gone forever! Ugh I can’t even imagine what that’ll be like. I have around 10 seizures every day. If not gone forever maybe 1 a week. Hey that sounds amazing!

Brain surgery for anyone is dangerous, but brain surgery for a girl with no platelets is extra. But they thankfully say it can be done. I will be closely monitored and given my treatment constantly to insure there’s no bleeding. One of the Drs. stayed in our room for about 45 minutes explaining how everything will work. Most of the time I had tears just streaming down my face. I’m so hopeful. But i’m so scared. I’m so scared of the pain i’ll feel, and the complications that could happen. I know, I know, I shouldn’t worry, and don’t one of you tell me that unless you’ve had this done! Thankfully my trust is not in man, but is in God.

We did get to meet the surgeon and of course he was super sweet! He seemed pretty confident in his ability, just a little concerned about the bleeding. He made it sound like a piece of cake to put the laser in there and zap a section of my brain out. Am I concerned i’ll wake up and not know who Rousseaux is? Yes I am. Am I imagining they’ll touch something in my brain that will make me sing like Beyonce? Yes, yes I am. So very many weird and random thoughts happening. I try to just imagine feeling good though.

They called yesterday and said they could schedule it for February 17th, that immediately made me start crying. So soon? I just got home. She understood and said 1st week of March is when it will happen. I’ll be seeing 3 drs before and getting a PET scan done. And then boom i’ll be under for surgery baby!

If I’m up for it I might try and go to Disneyland before, maybe fly up to Seattle to see my Uncle, maybe get a tattoo! I mean I need to do something before I do something this big that’ll put me down for awhile right?! If you have suggestions let me know!

We have absolutely felt so much love and support, and I’m truly just so thankful! The cards, the plants, the food, the clean house (thank you Jenna!). People are always asking what they can do to help and I can never think of anything, but now I have. Things that really help when I’m just unable to do anything are those things. Kind little cards, cute little houseplants,gluten free dinner for Rous and I (trader joes frozen meals are kinda making me sick), and helping with the house! So if you ever want to help when i’m going through a bad phase those are it! Love to you all♥

Oh! One more thing can I just say how amazing it is how many shares and views my Ellen video got? Honestly it’s been keeping me happy thinking that i’ll get to meet her someday. If you want keep sharing my video or even write to her, now that would be just amazing! I wonder if i’ll even know who she is after surgery..a joke! Calm down, my memory will still be there…I hope!

PLEASE SHARE THE VIDEO! 🙂

Wow I’m really craving a donut now, why are there not amazing gluten free donuts?!

Rare Disease Day

Today is rare disease day, and for some reason it’s blowing up all over my social networks. It honestly is pretty cool to me that so many people want to spread awareness to this day and to the people that suffer with rare diseases.  This is just going to be short, but I’m so thankful for the hands that have helped me through all these years.
Thankful for my parents that have been by my side taking care of me through all of this. Getting me things whenever I need it. My dad being very straight with drs and nurses (mostly in the er) and he’s taught me to be very straight with them as well. Ha I don’t know what I would do if I was still as shy as I once was.
And my amazing nurses down in Medford that poured so much love into me. I think about them so often. What would I have done all those years without them? Sad I don’t have nurses like that here in Eugene. They gave me something to look forward to each week when I would walk in to get a treatment. I love all of them so much and miss them dearly. Mary, Marty, Martina, Peggy, Patty, Leslie, Leah and Jody.
I make this post just to bring awareness to the rare, hard diseases without any cures, and to be here to talk with the other people that are struggling with sicknesses. I’ve met so many people on here and am so blessed to have people to be able to relate to me and for me to talk to, and they actually get it!
I saw this video today, and honestly I loved it. It was inspiring.

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January, 20th

January, 20th

Nothing gives me more comfort than knowing God is completely in control. Nothing makes me happier than the ocean.